I hate bicyclists, except when I am on my bike. I despise pedestrians, except when I am walking. And I really loathe drivers, except when I am behind the wheel.
The conundrum comes from being all three. But I guess that’s where the self-awareness also starts. You see, I spend about one-third of my time walking, one-third of my time biking and one-third of my time driving. I am very conflicted.
Let’s start with Thomas the driver. When I am behind the wheel, I get super annoyed with pedestrians who lollygag in intersections and cross busy streets outside of crosswalks. It feels like I’m playing Frogger. Seriously, hurry the hell up! I have somewhere to be! At least that’s how I feel as I sit in my ergonomic leather seat, enjoying the climate-controlled environment, listening to music, all while resisting the urge to look at my phone. The nerve of someone to waste three seconds of my life while they’re walking across a blacktop road in 100-plus degree weather! Dick.
And, really, do all bicyclists have a death wish? What’s with not stopping at stop signs, riding the wrong way in bike lanes, using sidewalks and never signaling? It’s a miracle I don’t hit at least one of these assholes each week.
Thomas the pedestrian seems to get along pretty well with bicyclists. I do get annoyed with the people who ride on the sidewalk. It seems it’s usually a guy on a BMX bike with his shirt off. I’d tell him to get off the sidewalk and into the bike lane, but I don’t want to get cut. Dick.
Drivers, on the other hand, are complete assholes. Despite the clearly marked pedestrian crosswalk and the huge yellow sign that tells them to yield to pedestrians, they still act like they own the place. My favorites are the drivers who show no sign of slowing down until the last second, then slam their accelerator to the floor as soon as I get one inch clear of their lanes. Oh, and get off your phone. Dick.
Thomas the bicyclist doesn’t have too many issues with pedestrians. In fact, I can’t really think of any.
But good lord, does Thomas the bicyclist have issues with drivers! Are they actually trying to kill me? They do know I have as much of a right to be on the road as they do, correct? No. They do not. But I do. So screw them.
And do you know who the worst drivers are? White guys, and let me tell you why. They’re so damn nice. Too nice, actually. The absolute worst drivers are the ones who stop at stop signs and tell others to go when it’s not their turn. If you’re the first to arrive at a four-way stop, you’re the first to go. It’s pretty straightforward. When you are the first to go, but decide you want to be “nice” and tell others to go, you’re an idiot who is potentially causing an accident. Just go when it’s your turn, dude.
So who is really at fault here? Who’s to blame? Most importantly, what’s the solution? Here’s your answer, and I know you’re not going to like this: You are the problem. Yep, you. Driver. Pedestrian. Bicyclist. You are all to blame for these issues. Equally.
I talked with Sgt. Matt Young of the Sacramento Police Department Bike Unit about this issue. And guess what? He pretty much agrees with me. “I’d say that no one group is at fault more than another. It comes down to education,” notes Young. “Everyone needs to know the rules and share the road. If we all do what we are supposed to do, it works.”
Young has lived in Sacramento for 15 years, the past seven on the grid. “There are pedestrians everywhere now, there are bicyclists everywhere now,” says Young. “It wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t really have these problems. I’d say there are three to four times the number of pedestrians and bicyclists around than we had just a few years ago. This comes from Sacramento becoming a more vibrant city.”
I pressed Sgt. Young, trying to get him to point the finger at one group in particular. He didn’t bite. The only thing I could get him to point out was the need for drivers to be extra vigilant. “Drivers can inflict the most damage, so they really, really need to pay attention. Look both ways. Especially if you don’t live downtown and you’re not used to driving around a lot of pedestrians or bikes. When I’m driving, I look three or four times before I go.”
We have rules of the road. They’re in place to protect us while getting us where we need to be in the most efficient manner possible. The problem is, we all break them. Some infractions are egregious while others are minor, but they happen across the board – and once the first domino falls, the rest are soon to collapse.
If. We. All. Follow. The. Rules. We. Can. All. Peacefully. Coexist.
I’m serious. We have a system in place. We have to trust it. And if we do, it will work. I promise. So, to Thomas the bicyclist, Thomas the driver and Thomas the pedestrian, I say this: Follow the rules, buddy. Stop when you’re supposed to stop. Go when you’re supposed to go. Signal when you’re turning. And remember that we’re all in this together.
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