Home » I Wanna Nerd You Up: Septuagenarian Gaming Stew
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I Wanna Nerd You Up: Septuagenarian Gaming Stew

I turned thirty-eight in June.

I marked this wondrous occasion by playing The Last of Us for much longer than I intended (let’s just say what started out as a few hours of celebrating turned into a weekend, followed by a week of shame and reflection). After I got my butt off of the couch and took my first shower of my 38th year (Sadly, I was almost 3 days into said year), I had a scary thought: how will I get my game on when I’m an old man?

Sitting for hours (days) on end on a couch is not an old man’s game. It was much easier in my teens and 20s to sit, unblinking, for several hours in a row. Now when I play a game, my fingers hurt from holding the same position for half of a day, and the aching in my back, legs, and feet is almost unbearable when I finally get up to drink some soda or eat Sriracha flavored Lays. I can only imagine how much harder this going to be on my body in another 20 years.

How are we prepared, as Nerds, for aging and the inevitable move into retirement?

Will nursing homes make it a point to have gaming rooms that contain the latest generation of gaming consoles while luring Nerds in with giant hologram, 3D televisions and over-the-ears gaming headphones that work with hearing aids? That would probably make it much easier for retirement home activity directors to do their jobs.

Perhaps KVIE will have shows for keeping old Nerds in shape for gaming, much like the current show Sit And Be Fit is aimed at geriatric physical health. The host will show you how to keep playing while your arthritis acts up in your hands and ways to avoid blood clots in your leg while playing Uncharted 10: Honor Among Hip Replacements.

And what of our inevitable deaths? Will Sony and Microsoft offer theme coffins wrapped in images of our favorite games and characters, as they currently do with console wraps? Who would pass on the chance to be buried with a Halo theme coffin or have their ashes placed in a LittleBigPlanet urn?

The good news is that no matter what, there will be an endless supply of games to choose from as my overall health deteriorates. Hopefully, my home healthcare aid will know to check that I’ve saved my game before turning off whatever incarnation of Playstation I own in case he or she finds me a sleep in my gaming chair.

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