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Real Relationships: I need self-confidence

Q: Have you ever seen someone walk into a room that you can tell has it all together, is happy with what they wear, how they look and their personality? They may not be perfect, but they are okay with how they are. I am not that person. I hate my body, I don’t think I am funny and I never know what to say in groups. I always feel like the clothes I wear don’t fit in with the clothes my co-workers wear. I know it sounds silly and immature, but I have self-confidence issues and I don’t know how to fix them.

A: I don’t think it sounds silly and immature at all. I think a lot of people are dealing with the exact same feeling and I think that everyone deals with those feelings at some point in their life.

Self-confidence starts from within. If you think you are going to build it because of how other people look at you, what they say to you or how they react to you, then you are wrong. You need to be okay with yourself before it even matters what anyone else thinks.

When you hate everything about yourself, it seems like an overwhelming task to "recreate" your image. If that is what you want to do in order to like yourself, then I suggest you start small. Pick one thing about yourself that you think you can tackle.

How about your clothes? What is wrong with them? Do they not fit you or is it that they just don’t fit the style you think everyone else wears? Do you like the style you have chosen? If so, stick with it but maybe add a trendy accessory or two so that you feel like you are hip. If your clothes don’t fit your body, then you need to get some that do. That sounds expensive, so try going to a clothing swap. There are several in the Sacramento area that happen frequently. You can clear out your closet and fill it with clothes that fit and hopefully clothes that you feel stylish wearing. Also, bounce some ideas off some of the other shoppers there.

"Do you think this looks good on me?" "What do you suggest I buy?" In case you didn’t know, girls love giving fashion advice to other girls…

Another way that you can improve your self-confidence is to practice your people and conversational skills. There are so many people that are not comfortable entering in to conversations in a group setting; you are not alone. Start small with just a few people or practice with your family. Bring up topics that interest you and that you are knowledgeable about so that you know what you are talking about.

When you do find yourself in a group conversation and you don’t know what to say, listen to what other people say and how they enter in to the conversation. Study them and take mental notes so that next time, you’ll be ready.

Just remember, self-confidence breeds self-confidence, so you just need a little bit of it to get yourself started. I know that you can do it and I bet there are others in your life who are 100 percent behind you too. Start there and take baby steps. You’ll get there.


Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships

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