Newest articles on The Sacramento Press tagged as "workplace"

Real Relationships: Workplace romance

2011-08-22T21:45:22Z

Q: I am interested in a guy I work with and I know he is interested in me too, but I am nervous about getting involved with someone I work with. I really like (and need) my job, and if it didn't work out it would be so awkward.

However, I really think we would be great together, and I don't want to miss and opportunity to find love just because we are coworkers. Should I follow traditional workplace romance guidelines or throw caution to the wind?

A: Tough question. I have seen many relationships and marriages made in the workplace, and I have seen many relationships create endless drama in the workplace.

I think the outcome depends on a few factors:

What kind of job do you work in?

If you have a small, close-knit office with few people who know a lot about each other, you are much more likely to ruin the dynamics of the office if you break up. If your office is a large, multi-floored building with different departments, and you only know the names of 1/10 of the staff, a small office romance gone bad isn't likely to crack the infrastructure of the place.

What kind of person are you?

If you are low key, your relationship is not likely to draw a lot of attention, good or bad. If you are a drama queen who wants everyone up in your business all the time, then people are going to be watching you, judging you and waiting for you to mess up.

Keep these things in mind before you decide to move forward. I agree that missing a golden opportunity for love just because you work together is no good, but are you willing to sacrifice your job on the chance that he is "the one”?

Make sure you think all the angles through before you make a decision. That is your best bet.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: Keeping peace in the workplace

2011-03-21T15:32:51Z

Q: I have one of those co-workers who always wants to know what is going on in my personal life. Every Monday he asks personal questions about what I did over the weekend, how my boyfriend is and even how my dog is doing. I don't want to be rude, but I am the kind of person who likes to keep my work life separate from my personal life. I know he is just trying to be nice, but frankly I don't want him knowing anything personal about me. How can I make that clear without coming across as unfriendly or just plain mean?

A: Don't worry, you aren't the only one with this problem. I think we all have that co-worker who thinks that we are "BFFs" and wants to know all our secrets. You have every right to keep the separation between work and home, but there are ways to walk the line in order to keep the peace.

1. Don't ask questions about his personal life. That may seem obvious, but it is harder than you think. As humans, we are personal people, and in conversation you may ask about their weekend without even realizing it, thus giving them an invitation to ask about your weekend in return.

2. Try to avoid situations where casual conversations take place (i.e. the break room, lunch room or "water cooler").

3. Limit the personal artifacts and pictures you keep around your desk. When you display personal pictures or trinkets, the assumption is that this is a public part of your personal life and free game to be spoken about. If that isn't true, put them away.

4. Watch the conversations you have on your phone while at work. I know you think your cubicle walls are soundproof, but they aren't. Everyone within a 25-foot radius can hear you fighting with your boyfriend, your mom or that awkward conversation you are having with your doctor. Save any really personal phone calls for break time or non-working hours unless you want the whole office to know.

If you do find yourself caught in an awkward situation faced with a question you aren't prepared to answer, keep it vague. If you are asked what you did over the weekend, instead of citing specific activities, say something like, "Oh, I just hung out and relaxed" or "I was super busy running all over the place." Then change the subject or turn the question back on them if you feel desperate to keep the attention off yourself. You will likely come out unfazed and be back to work in no time without having to admit that you went to a raging kegger, lost one of your shoes and spent all day Sunday parked on the couch hungover.

It is your choice how much you want to reveal to your co-workers about your personal life, but don't ever feel forced to share more than you are comfortable with. You have the right to your privacy. Set those boundaries early and stick to them. People will learn to respect that, and it will go a long way in interoffice relationships.

Have a relationship question? E-mail sacpress@live.com Questions will be featured every Monday in “Real Relationships.”

Good Work NOW!: "Toxic Co-workers"

2009-06-30T00:10:59Z

According to the April 2009 edition of the Harvard Business Review, toxic behavior in the workplace significantly decreases work effort, quality, morale and commitment. We are seeing more toxic behavior at work as a result of more negative emotions associated with the recession. So, it's important we take some time to look at this issue.

Joining me on the next episode of “Good Work NOW!” is leadership consultant Steve Sphar. Steve and I discuss toxic behavior – what it is and why it’s important to address, explore some interesting insights about perception and demonstrate a four step process that anyone can use to make a positive difference.

Steve defines toxic behavior as “a type of behavior that causes strong negative emotions in others”. He adds that there is a continuum - sometimes we perceive others’ behavior as simply annoying; it becomes “toxic” when it generates strong negative emotions in us, such as fear and anger. Typical examples of toxic behavior include bullying, gossiping, taking credit for others’ work, and victimhood (chronic complaining, whining and persistent negativity).

He emphasizes that perception plays a critical role: “If we define toxic behavior as something that generates negative emotions … emotion is a factor of interpretation”. For example, let’s say a co-worker slams a book on a table during a staff meeting. One colleague could perceive that behavior as enthusiasm, another could perceive the same behavior as aggressive.

Steve shares four steps for assertively communicating with co-workers that you perceive to be exhibiting toxic behavior:

Step 1: State Your Intention. Tell the co-worker that you would like to talk with them: “Joe, can I have a few minutes of your time to talk with you about something that I’m concerned about?”

Step 2: State Objective Facts. Describe the behavior in terms that Joe is likely to agree with: “This morning at the staff meeting when you slammed the book on the table …”

Step 3: State the Impact on You. Describe how you felt when you observed the behavior: “…it made me feel uncomfortable”.

Step 4: State Your Request. Ask for something different in the future. “I would like to ask that in the future you not slam your book on the table.”

Steve adds that we cannot control other people. But, we can control how we act. He adds: “A lot of the time the person doing the [toxic] behavior doesn’t know they’re doing it and when you call them on it, they’ll stop. Sometimes people just don’t know; they don’t get the feedback”. By being assertive, individuals can neutralize toxic cycles in the workplace. If we ignore it or mirror it back, we may be contributing to the toxic cycle and becoming a toxic co-worker ourselves.

You can watch Steve conduct a perception test and the two of us role play his four steps on Sunday, July 5, 7:30 – 8:00 PM on Access Sacramento Channel 17. An abbreviated, 10 minute archived episode is available for free at www.goodworknow.com.

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Background / Disclosure:

Good Work NOW! is a weekly, non-commercial public access television show produced at Access Sacramento and is a volunteer effort by Brian Moffitt, my guests and crew (Daniel Lorenzo, Jemuel Johnson, Molly Lynch, Marge McCreary, and Scott Trend). This 30 minute talk show features local experts and our mission is to help viewers find a job, develop their career or business or improve morale or productivity. It airs every Sunday evening at 7:30 – 8:00 PM on Channel 17 and streams at www.AccessSacramento.org, with an encore streaming every Monday, 11:30 – 12:00 noon. The purpose of this weekly column is to share key points and tips from each week’s episode and invite readers to watch the program if they want more details. If you have any questions or comments or have a story or expertise that will help others find or create good work, please contact me at brianmoffitt@comcast.net or visit our website at www.goodworknow.com.