Newest articles on The Sacramento Press tagged as "self help"

It’s Never Too Late

2011-11-15T19:32:21Z

Three and a half years ago Rose Lyon, then 58 years old, walked into her first Weight Watchers meeting. She was walking with a cane, out of breath, and was so winded she had to sit to complete her registration form. It was physically difficult for Rose to attend the meeting but what she was really dreading was her first weigh-in. Weight Watchers scales only measure weight up to 400 pounds and Rose's worst fear was that that she would max out the scale. “Do you know how horrible that would have been if they couldn't weigh me,” Rose said, fighting back tears. Rose weighed in at 391 pounds.

Rose hated going to the doctor. "Doctors would treat me like s---, I guess they figured if I didn't care why should they." She continued, "People don’t get how prejudice people are when you are overweight. People think you are just stupid and lazy." In 2002 Rose went to the doctor because she was bleeding so bad she thought she had uterine cancer. The doctor condescendingly asked her, "Rose, can you give us a urine sample, and make sure you wipe afterwards. Can you do that Rose? Can you wipe yourself so there is no wetness?" That was her last visit to the doctor until 2008.

"At night I used to have dreams that I was dancing and having fun and I would wake up and start crying. I hated being trapped in my body."

In 2008 Rose went to a new doctor, Dr. Dung Le at the Mercy Med Clinic in Natomas to discuss gastric bypass surgery. "Dr. Le was different right from the start," says Rose. "She was very kind and when I couldn’t get on table by myself. She was very patient and Dr. Le and her assistant helped me onto the table." Incredibly, Dr. Le had a background in weight management and was willing to sit down and talk to Rose about her weight and her lifestyle. Dr. Le discouraged Rose from getting gastric bypass surgery and made a recommendation that would change Rose Lyon's life. "Go to Weight Watchers- learn how to eat right."

Rose went to Weight Watchers meetings every week. "I sat in the last seat in the back row and I wouldn’t talk about the weight loss," said Rose. "I was afraid of failure. I had very low self esteem."

After her first Weight Watchers meeting Rose joined a gym. She went to the gym at least three times a week. She walked a couple of miles on the treadmill and did 45 minutes of weight training. She spent about an hour and a half each visit. She started to have more energy and confidence and started losing weight little by little.

Rose was well on her way to meeting her goal weight when life would throw her a curve ball. On June 2, 2010 Rose's husband, John Lyon, went into the hospital where he stayed for 4 months and went through 7 surgeries. John has diabetes and three years earlier had his leg amputated due to poor circulation.

In May 2010 one of John's toes became infected and would not heal again due to poor circulation. The doctors removed the toe, and then part of his foot, and then his leg to just below the knee. John was now a double amputee. Rose visited him every day, went to the gym three times a week, attended Weight Watchers meetings and continued to eat healthy. When John came home from the hospital she became his primary care giver. She fed him, bathed him, helped him to the bathroom, drove him to weekly doctor’s visits, loaded his wheelchair in and out of the car, and pushed him everywhere. Rose still managed to take care of herself. She admits that in the past she would have neglected herself. “I would always put the needs of everyone else first.”

Rose credits the Weight Watchers meetings and her mentor Judy, her Weight Watchers leader, for helping her through the rough times. Judy is 71 years old, doesn't look a day over fifty and has maintained her weight by using Weight Watchers for 10 years. "We had a lot in common," says Rose "....two boys, sick husband, and grandchildren." Rose learned that food "was not the main thing in [her] life." She stopped eating "garbage." Rose tried many different diets before she joined Weight Watchers and all of them ended in failure. "Weight Watchers isn't a diet, it's a program where you learn how to eat and get support from other people who share their challenges and successes."

Three years and and three months after her first Weight Watchers meeting, Rose Lyon, now 61 years old, wife, mother of two, grandmother of four, primary caregiver, gym rat, health food nut, stepped onto the Weight Watchers Scale. This time, her only fear being that she didn't lose the last pound she needed to meet her goal weight. She lost two pounds. Total weight loss? 231 pounds! And she did it the old fashioned way - eating responsibly and exercising.

I asked Rose why? Why did she decide to change her life? She paused for a long time. "I didn’t want to die sitting in front of a TV. Now I can be whatever I want to be. I can do whatever I want to do." Rose is looking for a dance partner so she can take ballroom dancing classes. She continues to attend Weight Watchers meetings and has a lifetime membership since she has maintained her weight for more that six weeks. She wants to be a leader like Judy "so I can reach out to people my age. So I can show them that life is not over.”

From the beginning Rose kept a quote on a piece of paper inside her Weight Watchers weigh-in book that reads, “It’s never too late to be the person you might have been.”

Disclosure: Rose Lyon is my mother and I also own the Sacramento Comedy Spot. Rose has appeared as a special guest on Anti-Cooperation League at the Comedy Spot. I am not affiliated in any way with Weight Watchers.

Ask the County Law Librarian--How to get an injunction against the DMV

2010-10-21T21:45:01Z

Q. I lent my boyfriend my car when things were going good, then I caught him cheating so I cut him off. I would bust the windows out the car if it wasn’t mine! But he’s telling everyone I gave it to him and he’s going to fix it up, sell it, and make a lot of money. A friend of mine told me to go to the DMV and they could fix it so he couldn’t sell the car out from under me. So I went to the DMV, filled out a form, and thought I was good to go but then the fine print on the bottom of the form says “I understand that I must file a complaint or petition with the Superior Court requesting a preliminary injunction with a temporary restraining order to be served upon the Director of the Department of Motor Vehicles within 30 days.” What does this mean? How do I get an injunction against the DMV?
Svetlana
A. At least once a week, sometimes more, someone clutching a wrinkled piece of paper to their chest approaches the reference desk asking for “the form” to get an injunction against the DMV. Most of the time the situation is the same as yours: an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend has their car and won’t give it back, and they have obtained a 30-day courtesy stop from the DMV so the ex or whoever has their car can’t sell it. The “Courtesy Stop Request” form simply tells you to go to Court and get an injunction. When you go to the Courthouse, though, they refer you to the Sacramento County Public Law Library for help in obtaining the injunction. By then you are understandably frustrated, having spent a total of approximately six hours in line at the DMV, driving to the Courthouse downtown, finding a place, any place, to park, standing in line at the clerk’s window, walking to the Law Library, etc. When the reference librarian tells you there is not a simple form and that it is a complicated procedure most people burst into tears.
The instructions on the “Courtesy Stop Request” form are misleading, to say the least. First of all, there is no single “form” to file with the court to obtain an injunction. It takes many hours to prepare the necessary reams of paper you must file with the court. Second, an injunction is a temporary or permanent remedy in a larger lawsuit. You cannot just sue someone for an injunction in a vacuum; there must be an underlying lawsuit alleging one or more “causes of action” against the person from whom the injunction is sought. A “cause of action” is a set of facts that, if true, would entitle the person suing to be granted a judgment by the court. An injunction, on the other hand, is a remedy, not a cause of action. An injunction is an order to whoever is doing something wrong that they must stop doing that wrong thing. But there has to be a reason that something is wrong. For example, you could get an injunction against your neighbor to stop playing loud music at night. But first you would have to sue your neighbor for nuisance, which is the legal theory that makes it wrong for neighbors to keep each other up all night. You must ask yourself, “What is the legal theory that makes it wrong for the person who has my car to have it?”
That legal theory, or type of action, depends upon the circumstances in which the other person obtained possession of your car. Three common legal theories used to sue someone who has unauthorized possession of your car in order to obtain an injunction against the DMV are conversion, breach of contract, and for an equitable right of possession. In practice, a complaint might combine several different causes of action.
Conversion, according to Nolo’s Plain-English Law Dictionary, is “the civil wrong (tort) of wrongfully using another's personal property as if it were one's own, holding onto another's property that accidentally comes into one's hands, or purposely giving the impression that the assets of another belong to oneself.” It is, more or less, the civil law equivalent to the crime of theft.
Breach of Contract is a legal claim that one party failed to perform as required under a valid agreement (written or oral) with the other party. For example you might say, "The roofer breached our contract by failing to complete the job." Possession is a legal claim very similar to conversion, but asks the court to find that the person suing is entitled to immediate and exclusive possession of the personal property involved, and orders the return of the property, plus the value of its temporary use.
Conversion and possession are most often used in situations like yours, when the vehicle is initially used with permission. You didn’t mention it, but often In these cases the owner of the vehicle has also gone to law enforcement to report the vehicle is stolen, only to receive the answer that "it's a civil matter," because the vehicle was initially obtained with permission.
Breach of Contract is most often used in cases when one person sells the vehicle to another, with the buyer ultimately failing to pay. The outcome of these lawsuits is determined by the exact wording of the agreement between the parties. Oftentimes agreements created by individuals fail to consider the possibility of buyer not paying, and as a result end up providing no remedy other than suing for the money owed.
If you are unlucky enough to find yourself in this situation, going to court provides a number of imperfect solutions to your problem. Depending upon the value of your car, you might consider filing a claim in Small Claims Court. Small Claims Court has the advantage of being very quick, with cases typically being heard in only a few months, and of being relatively inexpensive (the filing fee in Small Claims Court is presently $75 or less, with the filing fee set on a schedule based upon the claimed value of case). Small Claims Court for individuals is limited to cases of $7, 500 or less. The disadvantage of Small Claims Court is that it is limited to issuing money judgments, and generally cannot make judgments directing people to do things, like return your vehicle. Notwithstanding this, oftentimes people will agree to return property in lieu of a money judgment.
If return of the vehicle is the only acceptable option, you will be required to file an unlimited civil case in the Superior Court stating whatever causes of action support your contention that you are entitled to the return of the vehicle, naming both the person who has your vehicle and the California Department of Motor Vehicles as defendants. Although you are not seeking any monetary damages against the DMV, they must be named in the lawsuit because the court cannot issue an injunction preventing them from doing anything unless they are named as defendants. The "first appearance fee" in these cases is currently $355. Upon filing this lawsuit, a case number is assigned by the court. Once a case number is assigned, the next step is to file a motion asking the court to grant a temporary injunction preventing the transfer of the vehicle until the case is over. The fee for filing this motion is presently $40. It is very difficult to complete this entire process within the 30 days a courtesy stop is in effect. Even after the injunction is granted, it is necessary to continue litigating the case because the injunction is only a temporary remedy that remains in effect until the case is complete and the judgment is entered.
Assuming that a temporary injunction has been granted, or alternatively the DMV has agreed not to transfer the vehicle's title pending the end of the case, if you are entitled to immediate possession of the vehicle it is possible to file another motion requesting a Writ of Possession, which is an order directing the Sheriff to collect the property and deliver it to you. An additional $40 fee is charged for this motion. Fortunately, this process is simplified by the use of standardized forms. If a writ of possession is granted, you will be required to post an undertaking, or bond, with the court equal to the other side's potential interest in the vehicle, typically the full market value of the vehicle. This is accomplished by depositing cash with the court or using real property as collateral. This undertaking is to protect the other side in the event that you lose, to guarantee that they will not lose the value of the property that is being taken.
As mentioned above, there is not a standardized form ideally suited to any of these steps. The complaint and motions must be filed on 28-line pleading paper. It would take an attorney who was very experienced in this area at least 5 hours to complete all the necessary paperwork, and at $300 per hour that comes to $1,500! Although we have sample pleadings that you can copy and paste into our free pleading paper formatted for Sacramento County Superior Court, the average time it takes the average person to complete one step in this process is 20 hours. Unfortunately, our Civil Self-Help Center can’t help you with this process; it is too complicated and takes too long; if they helped one person with this type of claim they wouldn’t have time to help the other approximately 400 people they see every month.
So, before you try to obtain an injunction against the DMV yourself, ask yourself the following questions:
• How much is the car worth?
o More than the all filing fees; a bond or undertaking, if applicable; and 40 to 100 hours of your time?
• Do you want the money, or the car?
o If the person who has your car doesn’t have any money, you’ll want the car back. You can’t get blood from a turnip. But getting the actual car back costs more than getting a money judgment.
• What is your relationship with the person who has your car?
o Most of the time the two of you had a relationship, and if you are family, will continue to have a relationship. How will suing that person affect that relationship?
Do you have a question for the County Law Librarian? Just email sacpress@saclaw.org. If your question is selected your answer will appear in next Thursday's column. Even if your question isn't selected, though, I will still respond within two weeks.

Coral Henning, Director
@coralh & @saclawlibrarian

www.saclaw.org

Good Work NOW!: "Toxic Co-workers"

2009-06-30T00:10:59Z

According to the April 2009 edition of the Harvard Business Review, toxic behavior in the workplace significantly decreases work effort, quality, morale and commitment. We are seeing more toxic behavior at work as a result of more negative emotions associated with the recession. So, it's important we take some time to look at this issue.

Joining me on the next episode of “Good Work NOW!” is leadership consultant Steve Sphar. Steve and I discuss toxic behavior – what it is and why it’s important to address, explore some interesting insights about perception and demonstrate a four step process that anyone can use to make a positive difference.

Steve defines toxic behavior as “a type of behavior that causes strong negative emotions in others”. He adds that there is a continuum - sometimes we perceive others’ behavior as simply annoying; it becomes “toxic” when it generates strong negative emotions in us, such as fear and anger. Typical examples of toxic behavior include bullying, gossiping, taking credit for others’ work, and victimhood (chronic complaining, whining and persistent negativity).

He emphasizes that perception plays a critical role: “If we define toxic behavior as something that generates negative emotions … emotion is a factor of interpretation”. For example, let’s say a co-worker slams a book on a table during a staff meeting. One colleague could perceive that behavior as enthusiasm, another could perceive the same behavior as aggressive.

Steve shares four steps for assertively communicating with co-workers that you perceive to be exhibiting toxic behavior:

Step 1: State Your Intention. Tell the co-worker that you would like to talk with them: “Joe, can I have a few minutes of your time to talk with you about something that I’m concerned about?”

Step 2: State Objective Facts. Describe the behavior in terms that Joe is likely to agree with: “This morning at the staff meeting when you slammed the book on the table …”

Step 3: State the Impact on You. Describe how you felt when you observed the behavior: “…it made me feel uncomfortable”.

Step 4: State Your Request. Ask for something different in the future. “I would like to ask that in the future you not slam your book on the table.”

Steve adds that we cannot control other people. But, we can control how we act. He adds: “A lot of the time the person doing the [toxic] behavior doesn’t know they’re doing it and when you call them on it, they’ll stop. Sometimes people just don’t know; they don’t get the feedback”. By being assertive, individuals can neutralize toxic cycles in the workplace. If we ignore it or mirror it back, we may be contributing to the toxic cycle and becoming a toxic co-worker ourselves.

You can watch Steve conduct a perception test and the two of us role play his four steps on Sunday, July 5, 7:30 – 8:00 PM on Access Sacramento Channel 17. An abbreviated, 10 minute archived episode is available for free at www.goodworknow.com.

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Background / Disclosure:

Good Work NOW! is a weekly, non-commercial public access television show produced at Access Sacramento and is a volunteer effort by Brian Moffitt, my guests and crew (Daniel Lorenzo, Jemuel Johnson, Molly Lynch, Marge McCreary, and Scott Trend). This 30 minute talk show features local experts and our mission is to help viewers find a job, develop their career or business or improve morale or productivity. It airs every Sunday evening at 7:30 – 8:00 PM on Channel 17 and streams at www.AccessSacramento.org, with an encore streaming every Monday, 11:30 – 12:00 noon. The purpose of this weekly column is to share key points and tips from each week’s episode and invite readers to watch the program if they want more details. If you have any questions or comments or have a story or expertise that will help others find or create good work, please contact me at brianmoffitt@comcast.net or visit our website at www.goodworknow.com.

Adult Summer Camp: For Those North of 18

2009-05-13T06:53:24Z

Are you having fun? Are you taking those moments so very necessary for good mental health? I know it's difficult to carve out time and space for yourself. Our work places are more competitive. Our bosses are up against greater pressures to produce more with less. Thus, we're up against it, trying to be more productive with less time. Many of us find ourselves logging longer hours, sometimes... No, not sometimes, OFTEN, we're doing so off the clock, essentially working for free, more out of self preservation than a love of the job.

Think of puppy love or simply the act of falling in love. Some people are addicted to this, the rush. Remember? You can stay up all night, eat a grain of rice and feel contentedly full for 2-weeks. You seemingly need nothing but the relationship to exist. Love is the ultimate compliment, the pinnacle of kindness. Thus, ordinary kindness has a similar impact on one's life, though admittedly not as powerfully. Reports demonstrate positive work environments are good for morale, employee retention and production; however, too many work places employ punishing and grinding work places. They wear their employees down and expect top performance.

Many examples of employee support can be found looking around our globe. The afternoon nap, extended vacation time and employee exercise programs are just a few.

My intent is to encourage you for you. I know, as well as anyone, there are many times in our lives we must do what we must do and if that means long hours, we have to log them. Too, I know, as do you, we need to rest. We're human. Our bodies have requirements. Thus, you should take a few moments for you, time to recuperate, time to recharge.

These moments can be quick, easy and quite affordable. Something as simple as a morning walk. Some time to read. If you've been closed up and locked in your own world, morning coffee with some friends. If the wallet allows, a weekend getaway, something simple. Maybe a trip to the coast, stay in a motel chain, spend your days sitting on the beach. Or, if you live near a port of call, walk the dock districts. Pick up a local free paper, like the News and Review or the XX Weekly and look for free music venues. If you're buried in work, if your head is down, your neck knots of fatigued muscle from laboring over your computer, baby steps are the way to break back into the world of BALANCE!

Now, if your wallet is a bit healthier, look to something new, something a bit more challenging than a local getaway. Do something completely new, to get in and around new people, to experience new things and stimulate new personal growth. Try the Sierra Club or 20/30 Club. If you're really looking for something new, like a recent client told me, then try an adult summer camp. Adult meaning age and not anything that would require the movie rating company. Get to an adventure camp and have fun moving again, meeting new people and experiencing much personal empowerment.

Look, they have kid camps, they have family camps so, why not an adult camp? Getting out and about in nature is cathartic. There's something about being outdoors that inspires, encourages and supports healthy balancing. So, step outside of the box, do something unexpected and reap the benefits of a camp that challenges you emotionally & physically. The food is great, the staff phenomenal and new friends are always great to meet.

For myself, it took some serious indicators before I began creating that time for me: a little heart thing, gained a hundred pounds, put the fun-time of family life second to nearly everything, etc. We're working the long hours and going the extra-mile, for what? Certainly it must be for something and if not for ourselves and our loved ones then is it worth all the sacrifice? When you begin making this time for yourself, don't be discourage, for even the act of setting time aside to set time aside will be difficult. Unfortunately, it's a new skill but it's a worthwhile skill and I encourage you to reap the benefits of time focused on you.

Recently I spent nearly the entire weekend working away on my laptop, like so many weekends before; however, what was different were the moments I carved out for me and my family. One of those moments, was 40-minutes. In this 40-minute span my daughter and I grabbed our bikes and cruised the levy of the American River for a couple of miles. It was the best time I spent all weekend. I was rejuvenated and was able to work with a little smirk on my face recalling the conversation and time spent one on one with my kidlet. It'll feel foreign at first, making this time for you, but you'll appreciate those moments and begin to look forward to them.

Christopher Pyle is the owner/director of Action Whitewater Adventures of California. He has an adventure summer camp for teens and is offering a mini summer camp for adults this year. If you're interested in a mini-break, and would like to get together with adults, in a completely new and exciting venue, check out their camp page to make contact and share your interest in the adult program.