Newest articles on The Sacramento Press tagged as "marriage"

Real Relationships: Mother-in-law vs Daycare

2011-11-21T20:09:00Z

Q: My husband and I recently had a baby (five months ago), and now I am looking to go back to work full time. I have looked in to the cost of care for our son, but the prices are outrageous. Meanwhile, my mother-in-law has offered to care for our son every day that I am working. While this seems like a perfect and inexpensive solution, I am not wild about how my mother-in-law handles my son.

My husband and I have a very particular way we handle our son, and my mother-in-law doesn't always follow our directions when she watches him. I am afraid that without consistency he will be confused as he grows older about what is and is not right, what he can get away with, and he will waiver from the eating/sleeping schedule he has become accustom to.

It would be nice to save the money by having her watch him, but in the long run I don't even know if it is worth it! My husband is on my side, but at the same time we can't stomach spending so much money when we have an alternative. I am torn.

A: I think you already know this, but your son comes first. If you truly are not comfortable with your mother-in-law watching him, then you need to find an alternative. However, it appears that your concerns are a little less severe, and they are more a difference of opinion on how to raise your son. While it is important to stay consistent while raising children, remember that she is a grandma now, and grandparents are meant to spoil children rotten.

That said, you need to be very clear about your expectations and ground rules to your mother-in-law if she truly wants to watch him every day. Make a list of your daily routine that she can follow. If you have any specific requests about his feeding, diaper changing and entertainment, be very clear about them.

It is OK for you to be picky about the upbringing of your child. Hopefully your mother-in-law has his best interest at heart and loves him and will respect your wishes once laid out clearly.

Meanwhile, enjoy going back to work!

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in "Real Relationships".

Real Relationships: Bridesmaid from hell

2011-10-24T20:26:56Z

Q: I am getting married in six months. I asked my three best friends and my sister to be in my wedding. Fortunately, I could make my sister my maid of honor so that I didn't have to deal with friend drama and jealousy. Unfortunately, I am still dealing with drama with my friends.

One in particular has not been the ideal bridesmaid. She is extremely opinionated about everything I choose for my wedding, particularly the dresses, and, frankly, it is more of a headache to deal with her than I am interested in. She has been my friend forever, but I am two minutes away from telling her she can just come as a guest. What do I do?

A: There is really only one course of action here. She can put up and shut up, or she is out. Is that too harsh? I have zero tolerance for friends who fail to realize that being a bridesmaid is about one thing: supporting your friend through the stress of getting married. However, maybe she doesn't realize what a pain she is, so inform her and then give a gentle ultimatum.

Sit her down (with or without your other bridesmaids, your choice) and let her know that you really need her to be supportive right now, not judgmental. Perhaps cite some specific examples where you felt attacked, not supported. Remind her that you asked her because you are friends, but you don't have time to deal with her crap.

If she isn't interested in swallowing your criticism, then give her the option to back out gracefully, no harm to the friendship, and join the festivities as a guest. She shouldn't need reminding that this process is about you and your future husband and that she really doesn't have a say in the decision-making.

It is OK to offer suggestions and opinions to a certain degree, but once you have made a decision, she needs to live with it. I know this will likely be an awkward conversation and potentially emotional, but if she is really your friend, she will see the light and hopefully step up to support you through this process.

Good luck!

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: The wrong kind of friendship

2011-09-26T16:01:32Z

Q: Let me preface this by saying I am not a catty or jealous girl.

However, my husband has begun hanging out semi-regularly with a few of his female co-workers that have been his friends for several years (some before I was in the picture), and it makes me a little uncomfortable. First of all, he never invites me, which is odd, and secondly they are flirty and suggestive when they are around him, and I don't like it. Although some of them are single, a few are married, and I wonder how it makes their husbands feel!

How do I let him know the situation makes me uncomfortable without seeming like I am just attacking his female friends?

A: First of all, let me just say that this situation sucks. It is a no-win, at least a "no one walks away feeling great about the result" kind of situation. That said, you need to talk to your husband. Notice I didn't say "confront" him. This is not the kind of situation where you want to start throwing out accusations and giving ultimatums.

Remember, these girls are his friends and he has known them longer than he has known you. That doesn't mean he has the right to disregard your feelings about them, but keep in mind he probably doesn't know your feelings.

I suggest that you sit him down, let him know that you are a little bit uncomfortable with the fact that he spends a lot of time with them for a few reasons:

He never invites you. If these girls are such a large part of his life, you would like to get to know them better. Perhaps you can plan a few group outings or invite them all over to your place one evening.
If he has begun hanging out with them more often, what has changed? Is there anything he wants to talk to you about that is bothering him?
The behavior these girls have exuded when you have seen them bothers you a bit. You feel they are too forward and it makes you uncomfortable. If you trust him but not them, make sure he knows that you aren't calling your trust in him into question.

Getting your feelings out in the open but offering some helpful suggestions or alternatives is a good place to start. It is likely that he is going to react a bit defensively either to your assumption that his friends are behaving inappropriately or that he is. Make sure you assure him that you are not accusing him of any wrongdoing, but that you wanted him to know how you felt and that you would like to be included when he hangs out with members of the opposite sex.

That said, make sure you are extending him the same courtesy. Don't be a hypocrite. Good luck.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in “Real Relationships.”

Real Relationships: The In-laws

2011-09-05T21:29:51Z

Q: I know everyone has this problem, but it doesn't seem like anyone has an answer: in-laws.

My wife's parents are terrific people, but they always want to do things with us, invite us places, have dinners, come to our house, have us to their house and on and on and on. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. It is hard to say no because I feel like they are disappointed when we don't do things with them, plus it seems like my wife likes to be with them that often.

How do I breech the topic of not seeing her parents so often?

A: Mayday, mayday! Abort mission! Just kidding.Seriously though, this is going to be a sensitive topic if you are reading the situation correctly and your wife doesn't see an issue with hanging with her parents all the time.

Without knowing her and her personality, I can predict she will react one of three ways: 1) she will get incredibly defensive and accuse you of not really loving her family, 2) she will break down into an emotional mess and wonder if you really love her family and her, or 3) she will listen to your feelings calmly with an open mind and discuss options rationally that will make you both happy.

Only you know what kind of woman you married, so mentally prepare yourself before you bring it up for the most likely response. I will offer you these suggestions:

If you love her famiy and enjoy spending time with them, be honest about that fact but explain that seeing anyone that often is too much. If you are not wild about her family, consider keeping that info to yourself and moving on to the next step...
Offer suggestions about getting together at a frequency you are comfortable with (once a month, twice a month, etc.).
Suggest that she spend some time with her parents without you. You don't have to do everything together, and that will allow her to see them while giving you a much needed break.
When you do get together with them, suggest new things to do that will be fun for everyone and allow you to enjoy each other's company that much more.

You are a brave man and I wish you the best. Family situation are the most sensitive to broach, especially when they have to do with your spouse’s family. Good luck!

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: Baby Fever

2011-08-29T16:10:29Z

Q: My husband and I have been married for a little over two years. I have really enjoyed the time together, but now I am ready to have a baby. I have always wanted to be a mother and can't wait to hold my own little one in my arms. All of my friends are either pregnant or just had a baby.

My husband isn't on the same page as me. He isn't ready and thinks we should still wait another year or two. How can I bring him around to my way of thinking?

A: Having a baby is not the kind of decision you want to make alone. You and your husband need to be in 100 percent agreement before you even start trying to have a baby. There are a hundred things to consider, not the least of which are your jobs, your financial security and the maturity of your marriage.

I know you want to hop of the same baby train your friends are riding, but don't rush ahead of life and make a rash decision to the detriment of your marriage and your child's future. Think through all the angles and determine if you truly are prepared to bring a child into the world and give it all the love, care and attention it needs and deserves.

Once you and your husband are in agreement about moving forward with your family plans, that will be the right time to start.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: Single mom of 1

2011-08-01T15:46:04Z

Q: I am a single mother with a 5-year-old daughter. Her father has not been a part of our lives for many years. I have been on several dates, but it is hard to get past the first date when I feel the need to drop the "I have a kid" bomb on them before anything serious develops.

It seems like there is no guy on earth who is willing to take on that kind of baggage, regardless of how well we hit it off. I am pretty frustrated, but at the same time I don't feel like keeping that from guys until later in the dating process is the right decision either.

How do I get to the next step in dating without selling out my first priority, my daughter, in the process?

A: You are absolutely right: Keeping the fact that you have a daughter "hidden" from any potential "significant other" is not the right decision.

If you are dating just to have fun on dates, then you could probably wait a few dates before you dropped the bomb, but I sense that is not your purpose. You are dating to find a life partner — someone who is ready and willing to not only complement you in life but who is prepared to help you raise your daughter and be a father to her.

If that is the case, then weeding out anyone who isn't interested in that responsibility is an absolute must. Don't waste your time. I hope there is some guy out there just waiting for you and your precious daughter to come along.

After you have prepped your date and his doesn't tuck tail and run, offer to make date No. 2 a "family date" and do something with your daughter. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, but let them interact and see how he responds to her and vice versa. Children are excellent judges of character. Bringing in a man is a decision that you and your daughter probably will need to make together, so allow her to help you screen them.

Meanwhile, good luck and happy dating.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: Love or Dreams?

2011-07-11T15:40:13Z

Q: I have been married for 4 1/2 years. I love my husband very much. I wouldn't say we disagree on much except one very important topic: what I want to do with my life.

I am just about to graduate from college with a degree in English and a minor in Journalism. When I started nearly six years ago, I thought I wanted to be a teacher or writer, but since then I have realized that my true passion is working with abused women. I volunteered at a shelter a year or so ago and realized that I could spend the rest of my life doing that. However, there is very little money to be made in it and we need a double income in our family to survive.

My husband, although normally supportive, would really like me to find a steady job. I just don't see myself throwing this dream aside, but I don't want to make it a huge issue between us. Should I pursue my dream or stay in the reality of bills and stick with a "real job”?

A: Your passionate dream is a very noble one. Working with battered women is an emotionally draining but very needed profession. You are right, though. Shelters and nonprofits are often short-staffed, under-funded and struggling to keep their doors open. Your job will likely always be in jeopardy, and you may struggle to pay your bills. All of those things, combined with your husband’s obvious reluctance to send you off to pursue your dream is likely to cause some strife in your relationship.

I am a believer in pursuing one's dreams. Life is short, and we only live it once. However, we also live in reality, and with reality comes responsibility. You know what monthly income your family needs to live above the line. You know how to keep peace in your relationship. I encourage you to perhaps find a job (as if that is an easy task these days) that can help you provide for your family and thus lessen the stress your husband may be feeling. Shelters are always looking for passionate and qualified volunteers to help fill the gaps their dwindling budgets leave behind.

Take five to 10 hours a week to volunteer at the shelter so that you can still pursue your dream but provide for your family while doing it. You never know — once you begin working there on a regular basis, one of two things might happen: You may decide this is not what you wanted, or other opportunities may arise as you immerse yourself into the community and meet people who will allow you to pursue it full-time.

Although life doesn't always give us the options we want to pursue our dream wholeheartedly while still making ends meet, you do have an option here to try to walk both lines. I wish you luck and hope you find your perfect place.

Have a relatonship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: No excuse for abuse

2011-06-06T15:48:10Z

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years. We have talked about getting married someday, but we both want to finish school first, which is a few years off. The first few years of our relationship were really great, simple and fun-loving, but it seems as life gets more complicated and demanding (or as we grow up) that things have become more strained between us.

He has a pretty short temper and gets upset at me sometimes (for some pretty stupid things, in my opinion). He has never hit me or anything, but the things he says to me are hurtful. I want to get us help, but I don't even know how to bring the subject up. I am afraid if I suggest that he get help for his temper that it will be the worst fight we have had yet. Any advice?

A: First of all, I know you said he has never hit you, but sometimes these things are a progressive habit. If you have ever felt like that is the next step, I encourage you to get out right now, before you ever find out. There is never an excuse for abuse, and often verbal attacks can leave you just, if not more, scarred than physical attacks.

If you are serious about trying to pursue help in your relationship, first take stock of what is currently going on to decide if the relationship is worth saving. How often are you fighting? Of those times, how often does he lose his temper? Have you ever been physically or emotionally afraid of him?

How often do the two of you have fun together? Do you share your feelings about other things in life with him, or is that much even too stressful? You can see where I am going with this. Is this relationship worth trying to save, only to have it continue to go downhill?

I have to stress this: The first and foremost concern has to be your physical, mental and emotional safety. If you cannot express your fears, desires and hopes to this man for fear of his temper, I do not think this is the right relationship for you. Love is a safe zone. It is not supposed to threaten your well-being.

If you are interested in speaking with a licensed professional about your current relationship issues, here is a link to some local therapists in the area. Meanwhile, talk to someone close to you who you trust and who loves you. Stay safe and remember that you have to put your own well-being first.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: Nothing in common

2011-05-30T18:00:22Z

Q: Do most couples, when they get into their more comfortable years, still do a lot of things together? I am still madly in love with my husband, but we never do anything together. I have my friends and hobbies, he has his friends and hobbies, and never the two shall meet. Is that normal? I kind of want to do things together, but I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

A: Never fear. You are normal. I know a lot of seasoned married couples who don't spend much of their downtime doing activities together. It doesn't mean you are growing apart, just that you have different tastes and likes and are comfortable enough with each other to be apart. That said, I think trying to find a few things to do together will only enrich your relationship that much further. Spending quality time with your partner in a stress-free setting is priceless, so I encourage you to find something that you both enjoy and do it together.

Perhaps each of you can take an opportunity to introduce the other to one of your hobbies, or find something completely new to try. Going out to eat together is always an easy solution if you have the budget to accommodate such luxury. Going for walks together in the early evening is a free and relaxing way to wind down as well.

Ask your friends what they do with their spouses. Maybe they'll have a good idea for you to try. Needless to say, independence in your relationship is a good thing, but finding time together is also a great thing.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: The concept of religion

2011-05-23T11:56:24Z

Q: I feel so old-school even asking this, but do couples need to have the same religious beliefs anymore to make it work? My boyfriend and I don't really believe the same spiritually and I wonder if it will become an issue for us in the future. Does he need to convert to Catholicism before I can consider settling down with him?

A: There is no right or wrong answer to this question, nor is there one answer that is going to work in every situation. Religion and spirituality means different things to every person, and how that effects your intimate relationships really depends on you.

For instance, are you a weekly, daily or holiday Mass attendee? Do you go to confession? Do you pray the rosary? Do you observe Lent? As you have probably guessed, I am wondering how committed you are to your faith, because that is ultimately going to determine how important it is to you that your partner be of the same religious persuasion.

I think it is important that, even though your boyfriend doesn't believe exactly as you do (or maybe he just doesn't practice), that he doesn't believe in anything that is contradictory to what you believe. If you are a committed churchgoer and he is not, you two need to be in agreement about your attendance at church and your time commitment there so that it does not become a sore spot in your relationship.

As for whether or not you must believe the same thing, it certainly can't hurt, but I think that if both of you have a complete understanding of the other person's feelings and expectations, and are in agreement, then you should be OK.

Have a relationship questions? Send them to sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Realationships: Impatiently waiting for him to "Pop THE Question"

2011-04-25T15:56:44Z

Q: My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for at least a year now. We know we want to get married, and I feel like we are ready. Actually, I feel like we have been ready for months, and I thought he felt the same way, but still no ring. I am trying not to read into it, but I am starting to worry maybe he is having second thoughts about wanting to marry me. We used to talk more about getting married, but all that conversation seems to have stopped. So am I freaking out for no reason or do I have a boyfriend who is about to turn and flee?

A: While I try to talk you off the ledge, consider this: Every guy wants to take his girlfriend by super surprise when he asks her to marry him. If you guys are as ready as you think you are, and you think you are both on the same page as far as what you want for your future, then it is likely that he has been plotting his proposal for quite some time now. The abrupt lack of marriage conversation could be a sure sign that he is trying to throw you off the trail.

As a disclaimer, every situation is different and you may need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious conversation and make sure you are on the same page regarding your future. Make sure you both want marriage and you agree on the time frame for your future. The last thing you want to have unrealistic expectations about the relationship.

My gut feeling is that you have nothing to worry about. Don't ruin it for yourself by over analyzing the situation. If he is working really hard to surprise you, don't blow it. If in another three months nothing has changed and you are still getting the vibe that he may be having second thoughts, then sit down and talk. Until then, just let it happen.

Have a realtionship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Realationships.

Real Relationships

2011-04-11T15:18:45Z

Q: I have a super tough decision to make. I am currently dating a girl that I would consider my best friend in the world. She is great. We have been dating for nearly four years. There isn't much wrong with our relationship except one thing: I am pretty sure we aren't actually in love with each other. So here comes the tough decision part. Do we break up because we can never see ourselves actually getting married, or do we stay together because we fear losing the single most important person in our life? I don't know what to do. I can't lose her, but I don't want to ruin our chances of actually finding someone we are in love with.

A: Wow. Seriously, seriously hard question. Hard situation. I am not even sure I have a good answer for you. I can say one thing: You should never stay together with someone you don't see a future with because you are afraid of what will happen if you break up. That isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to her.

Let me ask you this: Do you know for sure she feels the same way? Do you both feel like, even though you are the best of friends, you just aren't "MFEO" (“Sleepless in Seattle” reference: "made for each other")? If that is the case, then breaking off your romantic relationship in pursuit of true love should not dampen your friendship. I know that bit of advice may seem like a contradiction to advice I gave in a previous article, but I believe your situation is unique and deserves to stand on its own merit.

You both may find that after a period of time apart that you want nothing more than to be back together and give it another shot at being romantic and trying for forever. Or you may find that this, although a tough decision, was the best possible thing and freed you both up to find someone else, and you can continue a great friendship within the bounds of other romantic relationships.

Your first step should be to talk about it. Maybe you already have, but if you haven't, I encourage you to do that right away. Be painfully honest about how much you appreciate the friendship you two have built, how scared you are of losing it and how confused you are that you two don't seem to be moving toward marriage. Then be a sounding board for her feelings. I think you'll find that after you sit down and have an honest, open and productive talk about what you both are feeling, your answer will be clear. Good luck.

Have a relationship question? Email sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships.

Real Relationships: The 7 year curse?

2011-03-14T15:32:34Z

Q: I have been reading a lot lately in the media and other places about the "seven-year itch" that they say married couples get. Some "experts" say you can't avoid it, some say it doesn't even take that long to feel it. My husband and I haven't been married seven years yet, but some days I feel like we are growing apart. I still love him, but at times I feel like we have less in common than we did when we got married. How can we avoid growing farther apart or splitting for good?

A: Although I am sure you know this, let me remind you: Marriage is extremely hard work. Couples who believe love is just going to happen for them, and that it will get stronger over time simply by virtue of them being married to each other, are fooling themselves. A committed, strong, fresh marriage takes both parties putting in effort to keep it that way.

If you feel you and your husband are drifting apart, start to think about some of the reasons you felt in love in the first place. If it helps, even jot some of them down. Putting those things down on paper will help to remind yourself why your husband is worth the effort. After you do that, think of the things you used to do together for fun before you got married and when you were newlyweds.

Life gets in our way and the first thing to go is our relaxing extracurricular activities. Make an effort to work some fun back in your relationship by revisiting the fun you had when you first fell in love. On a daily basis, make a point to compliment your husband either before he leaves for work or first thing when he gets home. Be sure to add a physical touch in, even if it is just a brush of your hand across his back.

These little additions to your relationship can bring you back to a place of connectedness, and it sounds like that is what you are missing. You don't need to make huge changes — just a few little ones here and there, and I think you'll find that you two will naturally circle back together before you know it.

Your relationship questions will be featured every Monday in Real Relationships. E-mail them to sacpress@live.com.

Real Relationships: Staying friends

2011-03-07T17:45:23Z

Q: I dated my ex-boyfriend for nearly three years, but we kind of mutually decided that we didn't have a future, so we parted ways. We have stayed in touch and have no hard feelings toward each other. We have gone out a few times with mutual friends and we always have a good time. Occasionally he'll call me if he wants to talk to an old friend. Anyway, I have started seeing someone new, who I really like, but he doesn't like the fact that I am friends with my ex. I want to stay friends with my ex, but I really like the guy I am with now. Is it wrong for me to want to stay friends with my ex? Or does my new boyfriend have a point?

A: I see this situation a lot and I think the answer is almost always the same when it comes to healthy relationships: Let the past be the past and don't allow it to ruin your future. It is good that you and your ex are friendly and not nasty to each other, but "staying friends" might be taking it too far, particularly now that you are in a new relationship. Your new boyfriend deserves all your heart, mind and soul. Even if you don't think you still have feelings for your ex, allowing yourself to walk the line between the two is dangerous, and it has no place in your new relationship.

You once had strong feelings for this man, were intimate with him and, dare I say, maybe loved him? Is it so easy to just turn those feelings off when you keep seeing him and talking to him? You broke it off for a reason. It is not fair to the new guy to keep rehashing the past. You will never fully realize the potential of your new relationship until your bury your old relationship. Allow yourself to move on and in turn allow him to move on as well. Most importantly, don't pit the two men against each other by asking yourself if it is right or wrong for your new boyfriend to not appreciate your lingering relationship with your ex. How would you feel if the tables were turned? That is what I thought...

Have a relationship question? E-mail sacpress@live.com. Questions will be featured here every Monday in "Real Relationships"

Marriage Equality Rally and March at the Capitol

2009-11-06T22:16:36Z

Over 200 people gathered Wednesday night]at the California State Capitol for a rally and march which marked the first anniversary of the passage of Proposition 8.

The event, “A Day of Smiles, Tears and Action,” was led by Equality Action NOW, a grassroots civil rights organization, along with several supporting organizations. The event also followed relevant elections in Maine and Washington on Tuesday.

In Washington, voters approved Referendum 71, keeping a law that expanded state benefits to same-sex domestic partners. In Maine, voters rejected a law passed by the state's legislature and signed by the governor that would have allowed same-sex marriages. Maine is now the 31st state to reject same-sex marriage in a popular vote.

Proposition 8 amended California law to recognize marriage only between a man and a woman.

Last year was not the first time that California voters were presented with a vote to narrow the definition of marriage. In 2000, Proposition 22 passed, approving the same language, “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

During his speech at the event, EAN volunteer and Camp Courage representative Chris Hauck pointed out the positive difference between the two propositions. While Proposition 22 won by over 22 points, Proposition 8 won by less than five points. Hauck also noted that Proposition 8 was not supported by a majority of voters in areas like Santa Barbara and Irvine, areas where an overwhelming majority supported Proposition 22 almost a decade ago.

Proposition 22 was eventually overturned by the California Supreme Court, allowing gay marriage for approximately five months before the passage of Proposition 8. Proposition 8 was upheld in the California Supreme Court last May in Strauss v. Horton.

As the ongoing judicial and legislative battle ensues, national groups including the American Civil Liberties Union are discouraging further legal action, saying it could do more harm than good. Instead they recommend making changes at the ballot box.

Jennie Reiken, Sacramento field manager for Equality California, strongly encouraged attendees to start canvassing. She encouraged people to educate those around them by having one-on-one conversations about their relationships.

“While the event was held to commemorate the passing of Proposition 8 and the resulting year of inequality, the rally was held to encourage people to get involved in any way they can and provide ample volunteer opportunities," EAN spokesperson Hilary Hodge said after the rally.

Following the march, several organizations made sign-up sheets available to participants. EAN recognizes there is a difference of opinion between marriage equality activists on whether to try voters again in 2010 or 2012. Whenever the issue returns to the polls, Tina Reynolds, co-founder of EAN has stated, “(EAN) does not take a stand one way or another since choosing a date has worked to polarize our community. We will be there whenever a rally, a vote, a stand needs to be made, and we will support all of our brothers and sisters in solidarity.”

In the near term, grassroots efforts in Sacramento continue, including an intensive two-day training called Camp Courage Sacramento this Saturday and Sunday. The training is designed to teach community organizing skills for marriage-equality activists. Registration information is available here. A fundraiser for Camp Courage will be held this tonight at Head Hunters located at 1930 K Street in midtown Sacramento.

A brief timeline:

March 7, 2000 – Proposition 8 passes in the Primary Election

May 15, 2008 – Proposition 22 overturned by California Supreme Court (in re: marriage cases)

Nov. 4, 2008 – Proposition 8 passes in the General Election

May 26, 2009 – Proposition 8 upheld by California Supreme Court (Strauss v. Horton)

A third way for the marriage debate

2009-03-11T06:44:42Z

The AP is reporting that a pair of college students have proposed a ballot measure that will replace the word "marriage" with the term "domestic partnership" in all state laws. Secretary of State Debra Bowen said today that supporters can begin collecting the 700,000 signatures to get the measure on the ballot. Domestic partnerships will retain all the rights of marriage, and all couples will be eligable for domestic partnership, regardless of sexual orientation.

Is this a good or bad idea? Please express yourself.