Hey, Ed. Nice pix. I see your point about being a shooter first.

But, if you're gonna have to wear both hats, lets keep working on the writing skill set.

Now you know I'm gonna bust you for having that mouse in your pocket again so -- 'nuff said on that point, I hope.

More important here: You buried the lede. Not too deep cos it's just a flash report with a full rewrite coming later. But still: Your news story is like a pyramid; most important fact goes at the top. Think of it this way: Your Money Shot isn't firefighters rolling up their hoses after the blaze is extinguished. It's those residents in their jammies, kitty in arms, standing in front of the engine

What's the most important fact in the limited info you have? Time of the 9-1-1 call? Uh-uh.

"Firefighters were able to rescue all occupants, and their nine year old kitty Fluffy, from a mobile home blaze that broke out shortly after dark Saturday in South Sacramento. [Residents were right there -- you shot 'em. Without doing the dumbassed TV reporter "how does it feel to be burned out of your home?" thing, you coulda / shoulda got some basic facts from them. What are your names? Kitty's name? Anybody hurt? And, a good open ended question like "what happened" to see what you get.]

"Though few details were being released yet by Sacramento Fire officials, the initial call came in approximately 8:45 Saturday evening from the South Sacramento Travel Lodge Mobile Home Park on Dias Avenue. Firefighters on scene confirmed their ability to reach the scene within minutes helped limit damage in the blaze.

"Recent 'brown out' staffing decisions that followed fire department budget cuts have left some community members expressing concerns about how slower response times might affect public safety. Department officials were not immediately available for comment on what impact the rotating brown outs could have had in this case.

"Look for updates here as Sacramento Press continues to follow this story."

Let's kick you up to a "C" on this one for the nice action shots (though, FYI, they displayed a leeetle dark on my monitor), and the fact that you *did* get most of the "5 W's and an H" in there. We'll keep working on the writing. Hey, you can do this, Ed. It ain't rocket surgery.

Beachdob, your way to cool to be posting here at the SacPress, why don't you give it a break and write a story yourself?

Apologies to all if I've misunderstood the customs and protocols of the comments section. I'm new here. My input was offered in the spirit of "constructive criticism" -- I'm not trolling. I'll touch base w/ you off line, Ed.

??? Beachdog gave some very useful and kind criticism that was very much on point, and useful to both writers and readers (who are presumably potential contributors in the future). Who cares who he is, he wasn't attacking the piece ideologically.