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STORYLINE Mother Alienation

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Drastic measures were taken in a California court recently based on an assumption that the child in question was experiencing Parental Alienation Syndrome, a claimed disorder in which the child alienates the non-custodial parent; however, no consideration was taken to discover whether this claim is true. Ali Rumsey’s daughter, Blair, was hastily removed from her home of eight and a half years and given to her father based on this claim that lacks scientific validity and reliability according to the mental health and medical community (Wikipedia). The term PAS was coined in the eighty’s, however not enough extensive research was done to prove this theory a real disorder. If the PAS theory is not recognized by the American Board of Psychology or the American Medical Board Association, why then is it admissible in California Courts regarding custody battles by appointed mediators? Aren’t all mediators supposed be unbiased and work towards the best interest of the children?

Ripping a child away from her mother, their home, and denying them any form of contact, is traumatizing, and should not be taken lightly. Picture the emotional tear- jerking scene of little girl screaming and clutching for her mother as she is torn away to be given to a father that she has not had contact for 2 years, a step mother and three babies. It is understandable why a child would react this way, but even more frightening if she disassociates and turns inward, fearful of making her father angry.

In my mind such a drastic measure is not in the child’s best interest and damaging to the child’s psyche. It seems logical that careful consideration should have been taken first before making such an outrageous decision. It makes more sense to appoint an unbiased therapist for the child and conduct psychiatric evaluations for BOTH parties involved in raising the child, including step-parents as well as both parents, and interviewing the extended family, including the child's only grandmother, especially considering the length of time the father abandoned the child. Careful counseling and interviewing techniques bring out the truth over time, not based on a one time observation by someone who is using this theory to promote a book, or for financial gain.

Raising a child is a moral obligation. This isn’t a puppy we are talking about, but a live human being that will grow up and make decisions regarding our nation. So why then are we not decrying this witch hunt that leaving a wake of victims in our society? It’s rather ironic to label Blair’s mother as an alienator when in reality she is the one be alienated from her daughter. I am outraged by such irresponsible mediators and judges not being held accountable for breaching ethical codes. This is an embarrassment of our judicial system.

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Conversation Express your views, debate, and be heard with those in your area closest to the issue.

David Watts Barton

April 8, 2009 | 11:53 AM

This is an interesting insight into a significant public issue - do you have a personal interest in the story? Reporting more details of the case, perhaps talking to someone involved in the process, and identifying your role would give SacPress readers ways to get deeper into the specifics of the case.

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Terry Loff

edited on April 8, 2009 | 9:02 PM

I know this mom personally and believe she is a good mom. We are both para-educators for a special education program and the kids she assist adore her , so this begs the question "why did this happen to her?" What should have been a father and daugther reunification turned into a nightmare that anyone can identify with, losing an only child, with no contact whatsoever, not even a phone call ! Even criminals get phone calls.How just is that? Sure the dads needs to be in the picture too, but the judge leaped off the cliff before looking. Doesn't it make more sense to consider other options first before make an extreme decision that could harm the child?

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Angelina Turner

April 9, 2009 | 8:28 AM

This is the same family in the "Grandmother Alienation" story by Sharon Wall.
Additional information about the mother and daughter can be found at http://www.bringblairehome.webs.com

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Christian68

edited on April 10, 2009 | 4:19 PM

I know of this case and this father personally.I have known the father for 15 years.He is a great dad to all five of his children.The stories he has shown me that have been written about him are completely untrue.He has devoted his life to his marriage,and his children.He has come to work distraught after each court date where his relationship with his daughter would get put on hold because of the mother violating court order after court order .The courts finally got one right!! This is a good man who will be a great role model for this little girl.It seems funny to me that the mother started flaking on his visitation after he moved on with life and got remarried.Coincidance? I think not.This isn't about moms versus dads it is about what's best for the child.Good for you my friend good for you.

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Sharon Wall

April 11, 2009 | 12:30 AM

I know the Mom too, she's my daughter, and she couldn't have been happier to be divorced. Her friends gave her a 'freedom party' which doesn't fit in with a jealous ex, so perhaps your facts are incorrect. In fact, it was the 3rd wife that told wife 2 that he had never gotten over her, and which is why the new wife will not allow him to be alone in a room with the mother of his child. I think we have some projection here. The mother used to meet with the new girlfriend/ then wife and listen to her troubles with her ex. Is this a jealous woman, or one who sympathized with another? If the father was so distraught, why didn't he send a Christmas card or birthday present in 2 years? My husband was distraught when he had custody battles, but he didn't stop communicating with his child by mail, phone, because it wasn't about him, it was about keeping a connection. He wouldn't have punished a 6 year old with promises of birthday presents, then never send them because he was angry at the mom. The mother NEVER abaondoned her child. Perhaps the father should have taken a couple months to process his divorce before entering in to a new relationship. A child was on the way before the divorce was final. This was very confusing for my granddaughter, who didn't understand her dad having another baby when he was still married, and kids always hope their parents will reunite. Try putting a positive spin on that one. No, the mother did not look for another replacement, she processed it alone, and did not jump into any relationship for the sake of her child. She devoted herself as a mother, not starting a new family. Funny how you seem to be so well versed in my family if you 'work' with the father. I don't know any of the father's friends. Perhaps you should be honest about who you are, as I have been. Honesty is where it begins.

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cindy33

April 9, 2009 | 10:26 PM

Something just does not sound right. I have been around many custody cases and have never seen a child removed from a safe environment. It is mentioned that the mother is seen as a good mom, but who is to say what is underneath the surface? I cannot imagine a professional removing a child without cause, ecspecially in the manner described. If the child is victimized by the mother with the PAS (?) it would make sense why calls are not allowed. Criminals aren't allowed to call those they have violated. Were other options not available before a ruling this extreme? The child is an only child? Or the mother has three other children? Were all of them removed or are they from a seperate marriage? Are they still with the mother? To me that does not make sense.

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Terry Loff

edited on April 10, 2009 | 11:04 AM

You're right it doesn't sound right! Injustice happens all the time.Take notice of the story on the front page story 'Caravan for justice"sacramentopress.com .The courts decision was made in haste based on the assumption of a previous mediator. From my counciling and interviewing techniques (college course) class, I have learned that mistakes are made when councilors that impose their ideals on clients. This is an ethics blunder, and counselors are bound by ethical codes. Evaluations of all parties involved, step parents included, bring out the truth, should be conducted first before the decision was made. In the wild the lion picks out its prey by observing. He sits, watches and waits, looking for the weakest victim. After a while someone shows their true colors. and intent. Pas is junk science that is being used recently in court to win court custody cases, but it is not recognized by the American Board of Psycology. The mother in this story lost her only child to a father that has three other children from three different women, three marriges How responsible is that? If you cant afford them dont have them. Children deserve better ,and this little girl needs her mother. Look up maternat deprivation on wikepedia.com if you are truly interested in the wellfare of children.

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Sharon Wall

April 11, 2009 | 12:38 AM

Let's see, one father with five children from three wives; one mother, married once, one child, now with none. Who could give this child the attention she deserves? Keep in mind the father did not prevail until just recently, as he states above, so the court did get it right before, and did not consider this option. The attorney for the mother was not present when the child was removed, and the new judge would not give his assistant a 6 day continuance, and did not have any information about the case in which to proceed. Does that make it more understandable? It's all up to a judge, and they vary just as we Social Workers do in getting it right. It's really a crapshoot for both parties; judges have biases just like everybody else.

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cindy33

April 10, 2009 | 11:21 AM

I am speaking from experience. My mother did to myself and my younger sister the exact definition of the PAS. Don't get me wrong, she loved us very much and I believe still to this day from the bottom of my heart that she acted only with the best intentions, but it was as if she felt if our father wanted to leave, then he needed to do just that, leave, us included. Perhaps this is not what is going on, but I remember when the court granted my father custody (we still had visitation with our mother) that our lives turned around for the better. Our mother never hurt us, she too was very involved in our lives, sports, ballet, school functions, but her hate for our father gave her a distorted view on what was right for us. To this day she denies any wrong doing, however through counciling, I have learned that she was wrong. My sister is currently going through a divorce and seems to be repeating the same mistakes, PAS was not thrown out as a label back then, but hopefully even in my sister's case, they will make the right choice for the children. On the site it states the child is removed for 30 days, is the mother suppose to be getting help in any way, is that what the website is for? When I viewed the blair website it was sad. SHe looks like a very happy child. IS that her father with the long hair? I hope whatever is best for the child is done. I hope if the mother and/or father were suppose to get help that they do just that. It would be sad if the mother was puting more time and energy into this donation site then the court reccomendations, if there were any. I have learned that there are two sides to every story. Do you know both?My thoughts and prayers are with this child!

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Terry Loff

edited on April 10, 2009 | 3:40 PM

There are auctually three sides to a story, he said, she said, and the truth. Puzzles of gathered evidence will reveal the truth, but first I will speak from experience. My sentiments to you, my parents divorced too. My father had custody of me because my mother didn't want me. She said she was too young to have a child and wanted to get her life together before bringing a child into it., Fve years later she decided she was ready to get me back. and took my father to court to gain custody. Through the duration of this process my father bad mouthed my mother in front of me. This did deter me from wanting to live with my mother. Just as the ex husband has three other babies to take care of, my father had three other kids too, no time for me. In the end my mother lost the custody battle and I only got to see my mother every six months. Because of the great expence in fighting custody battles my mother gave up and I didn't see her for years. Maybe I have a problem with mother deprivation., and thats why im in counciling. Point is, I would have been happy with 50/50 custody. My mother only had me to devote time to. Pas experts believe the child is being brainwashed by the alienator to hate the non custodial parent, This most likely happens with passive children I have know Blair for almost two years and believe this is not the case. There are good councilors and bad councilors. Some of them are just there for the pay check, so they keep client s dependant on them. My instructor says " Counciilors need to constantly ask themselves " Why am I here? Whats in it for me?" The ultimate goal is to help the client become atonomous , eventually becoming independant of the councilor.

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Sharon Wall

April 11, 2009 | 12:47 AM

I'm sorry, but your words sound strangely familiar from a letter I received from the father. In my experience, therapists don't tell you your parent was 'wrong,' in fact there is an expression that 'we do the best we can can at the time.' Apparently your mother did just that. Nobody gets it right, and neither will your sister, or any other parent. We all have baggage, it's those that face theirs instead of using a child to retaliate, that really heal. Children are used EVERY DAY in Family and Juvenile Court as pawns for angry parents. It's been going on since divorce became a legal institution. Did you know that in the 50's, a woman could not even get a divorce unless she had proof she was abused? It seems we may be going back to those days for children. Mothers are guilty until proven innocent.

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Christian68

April 10, 2009 | 4:18 PM

You obviously are too close to this situation to see the truth about your daughter.That is a shame This is not about money it is about a childs best interest.A child deserves both parents.When a parent flakes on visitation for long enough the court has to step in.He has asked the courts for more time on several occasions.Nobody ever wants to think that there child would alianate there grandkids against the other parent.It's time to do whats right and give this kid a fighting chance.Admit your shortcomings,and do whats best for the child. This father will improve this little girls quality of life tenfold.Your accusations against him.Simply muntrue!!!Was There a prominant father figure in your daughters life?

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Sharon Wall

edited on April 11, 2009 | 12:55 AM

Looks like we've got the father/wife with us, sounding much like an email I received last night from Dad, stating none of the females in the family can see my granddaughter. I guess the stepmother of 3 hasn't heard of maternal deprivation. It has been proven to cause long term damage to children. Wonder what she'd do if someday he did the same and took hers? As I recall, he/she mentions growing up with divorced parents? Is this DISCRIMINATION AGAINST SINGLE MOTHERS? If so, you're going to insult many hardworking mothers who parent with dedication due to dead beat dads. There were many months the father did not pay and I had to help her keep her housing. In addition, he refused to pay for child care, a direct violation of the court order, but she never acted on it, and I paid for that too. Wouldn't you be concerned if your child had no where to live while you're having more? For the record, my daughter had a father figure throughout her life, which is what is most important, her grandfather, and a step-father. What we're really talking about are dads who walk away & don't want to pay. Hey, maybe a new syndrome? Look out for lots more of these!!!!

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Terry Loff

edited on April 10, 2009 | 4:39 PM

You are right !fathers do need to be in their daughters life. No dispute here. I don't understand how you figured we are disputing this. We are trying to be objective in our opinions. Mothers are important too! What I cant understand is why didn't they go 50/50 in their decision? Dont you think that 100% custody to the father is too drastic? How close are you to this situation ?

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Stephaie Montano

April 10, 2009 | 4:59 PM

Christian 68 You have this one wrong. You obviously only know the father in this case personally. I love how you turn this into an estranged "LOVE" interest. I about laughed my ass off. Ali has NEVER said anything about wanting her EX back. Nor has she EVER said anything negative about Blaire's father. She has ONLY wanted nothing else than for her EX to be a loving father to her daughter since day one. So after the first Divorce there was a son, Ali married knowing that there was going to be a blended family in her future... Then Blair girl came along into their family. Unfortunatly their marriage did not work and they both parted in a divorce..... So then the ex remairried and now he has a new family of three? Five children in total? Isn't it a coiencidence that the "Ex" went on to claim financial hardship after the divorce and then used his three additional chldren as a financial hardship without trying to workout some type of arrangement in stone with Ali regarding Blaire's continued parenting? You need to re-read the truths above as written by Sharon Wall who has been involved and knows the situation. You are not involved in Blaire's past two years of life, so who are you to say this is the right thing for this innocent girl. You do not have a clear picture on what is BEST for the child.

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Sharon Wall

April 10, 2009 | 5:25 PM

Thank you Stephanie. At least I can see my granddaughter in your picture. Too bad her father doesn't value a grandparent's role, let alone a mother's, despite having three babies. She had a dog, friends, neighbors, and a FAMILY, the one he sas is so important. Now she has no contact with them. Does anyone think this is in ANY child's best interests? My husband had a custody battle with the same PAS, and despite the court granting him visitation, he never chose to take the child from the mother. He knew that bond was too important, and he never FORCED her to visit. Now they are close. Her father may save some child support, but in the long run, he will do the alienating himself. Weekend visits are standard, especially when a father never had her overnight in her life and walked away from his child. CPS would never even go out on a referral of "PAS."
My daughter and Blaire were so close; she worked her schedule around her school schedule, so she could spend quality time with her. The father works and leaves her with the stepmother all day, helping with the babies while the biological mother is alone. Blaire and I are very close; now I'm not allowed to see her, and her voice is silent. One thing, Stephanie, when you have right on your side, and you are truthful, justice happens.

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Stephaie Montano

April 10, 2009 | 5:51 PM

Christian68 I am NOT saying that the father should NOT have a role in his daughters life. I am saying that what the court did by taking away parential rights for 30 days unwarranted is unconstiutionable. I know that Blaire needs her father and her mother in her life. The circumstances around this case are unwarranted for the punishment that Blaire will have to endure over the next few weeks. Because of the way the court removed all contact from the mother who loves this kid to death.... What do you think the chiild feels in this predicament? Who is to say that she isn't feeling abandoment on by her mother because she cannot speak with ANY of the family who have been involved in her life unconditionally? Blaire is the one who needs both parents to work together. By removing Blaire from a mother who has physical custody 8.5 years and to place with the father who has abandonded his daughter for 2 years??? Where is the justice in that? I am sure the father is hot on getting the court to remove his child support as this is a priority to him vs.working towards a visition plan that works for both parents for the best of Blaire.

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Terry Loff

edited on April 11, 2009 | 10:35 AM

Christian, this article is not about mothers vs fathers it's about doing whats right for the child.. A child needs both parents, bio -mom and bio =dad. How is 100% custody to the father both parents. Please explain! Think about the child feelings at the moment living in an alien inviorment. The father was out of the picture for two years. There are three other babies in the household vying for step -momie's attention. Now ask your self is this the best interest of the child? We can all identify with the feelings of starting a new job. We get nervous at first. This is an eiight year old child, who was thrown into a foriegn inviorment. She does not have the same coping skills or maturity of an adult. Please put aside your rally of vidication., and think about what is right for the child. Love should not be forced. The daughter oviously did not want to live with the father, otherwise Pas wouldn't have been used. Look up Parental Alienation Syndrome Wikepedia.com. Don't take my word for it .Gradual interduction into the fathers life would have been a better solution. PAS is not a reconized by the American Board of Psychology as a disorder because test conducted by the board proved it ivalidid and unrelieable..One more thing, Child Custody Mediators should reason with all parties involved that it is in childs best interest they get along. Studies have proved that! This is not my daughter it is my friends, and it is about doing whats best a child. Leave your emotions out of it and THINK!

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Aslan Narnia

April 11, 2009 | 7:55 PM

Christian, You think that's a GREAT ROLE MODEL?? That's sad, ANY GUY who knocks up another woman while still married, with two kids--from two different marriages--really isn't acting in the best interests of ANYONE involved. You're friend has 5 kids with three different women and you think "This father will improve this little girls quality of life tenfold" --- ???? Let's nominate him for Father of the Year! :-)

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Terry Loff

edited on April 13, 2009 | 7:40 AM

Finally, the last piece of the puzzle reveals the truth, eluding to why pass is a contriversial, issue therfore should not be admissible in court. Naturally some children side with one parent in the event of a divorce. Divorce is a hardship on kids. I speak from experience. It is common for kids to want parents to be together. When a father or mother remarry ,kids get jelous of the new spouce. This could be a reason why the child is alienating her father, and not the mother brainwashing the daughter to hate the father. The father's many marriges says something about his character. and intimate relationships . Three mothers, five kids, that's a lot of baggage. This could be another factor to to why the child is alienating her father. It looks like judge and mediator didnt do their homework before falsly accusing the mother of abuse, and pas is a form of abuse.according to pas disciples. This is crimminal to falsly accuse someone of wrong doing without the burdon of proof. This is ABUSE! Justice took the day off in court that day, but she will prevail. Roarrrrrrr!

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Sharon Wall

April 12, 2009 | 4:24 PM

Good to see Aslan in the house. We need some spiritual responsibility.

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BRPBlair

April 13, 2009 | 8:56 AM

In the best interest of Blaire, she should be with the person who has raised her for the last 8 1/2 years. Obviously the child is alienating her father because he has not been a part of her life. This mother is kind, loving and a great role model. Having known this family since Blaire was born, I am heartbroken to think about what Blaire might be thinking right now. Alone, in a house where she is one of 5 children, staying with a step mom while Dad is working, she has no contact with the stable environment she used to know. How is she supposed to cope with this? If the father thinks that this will help his relationship with his child, he should put himself in her shoes. The mother would never want her child to go through this. Bring this child home!

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JCALTON

April 16, 2009 | 9:06 PM

I think a lot of you are missing the point the point here! The mom never said hey I dont want you to come see your kid the ex husband was so busy with his new wife and their three kids he just couldnt be bothered with this one. Like lots of men out there it wasn't until he decided he didnt want to pay child support anymore that he was going to be in the picture. Now I have done my research on this so called mediator/psych woman and she is a crock she has theories out there about alienation that go as far as to give custody to parents that have sexually abused their children. Don't get me wrong there are true cases of alienation out there and it is wrong but this is more of a case of abandoment. Even if the court felt this was a case of alienation then they needed to take the child into consideration this is a man who really hasnt made much of an effort in the last two years because i mean she has a phone and she goes to public school if you really want to see her just go see her but anyway, the court should have started with him maybe picking her up after school then staying over night then gradually allowing a relationship to form but for those of you who posted that nonsense about there has to be something wrong with that mom for her to loose custody i assure you there is not!!!!! If you could only see just once the way her and Blair's faces when they see each other its amazing. They love each other, she is an amazing kid, and she WILL be home soon were she belongs.

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JCALTON

April 16, 2009 | 9:24 PM

All I know is I work with kids and I come from a broken home where my mother abandoned me and if the court and yanked me out of my house and moved me in with her for 30 days I probably would have ended up hating her even more for doing it me so if this man truely wanted to be any type of father to Blair at all he would march his ass down to the court house and tell them no he is taking he home and on wednesdays he'll be picking her from school to take her to lunch and help with home work or to the park and maybe in month or so she'll wanna stay the night and like I said build on it. But as for this He in no way is any type of man. Alright I'm going to bed now that im all worked up!!!!

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gottagrip

May 1, 2009 | 1:18 PM

Grandmother's Articles are temporarily off this site, due to JB's hubby legal "pack" monitoring freedom of the press! Never fear, friends and justice seekers, Spring will come!

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gottagrip

May 5, 2009 | 10:27 AM

Folks, be sure to support Assemblyman Beall (see bringblairehome.webs.com) while he dilligently seeks to remove this dangerous "syndrome" from hurting our precious commodity, our children. Also see links on how to "speak out!" to bring this precious child home, and prevent this tragedy from occuring any more. Say NO to 'PAS' and it's supporters. Keep the children safe!

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gottagrip

May 12, 2009 | 10:00 AM

Guess what, fellow justice seekers? The judge was presented with information of neglect and abuse by the the father and did not do ANYTHING TO HELP THIS CHILD, BLAIRE! She is obviously a 'PAS' supporter and does not have a clue as to family law--children's safety and protection come first. From what many at her former job at DA's office say, she didn't even do a good job there! Wonder what gave our govenor the idea to make her a judge???? No one at the DA's office can believe it, either! Too bad an innocent child has to be a pawn in this sick game of JUNK SCIENCE. Too bad for everyone with a heart and a conscience!! Where is Aslan??? Where is spirituality and accountability??

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Stephaie Montano

May 12, 2009 | 12:15 PM

Over this past Mother's Day, I could only feel the sadness in my heart, as a mother myself, for my dear friend Ali Rumsey. I know that Blaire and her mother will be reunited, but this is a terrible injustice! The 30 day court order has expired and the court has NOT ordered visitation, and the court proceedings have been extended now until mid June. How can this happen to a woman who has devoted her loving self (unselfishly) to the child who she brought into this world out of love? At that time it was love that brought beautiful Blaire into this world. As many married couples divorce throughout this world life goes on. Despite the rollercoaster of divorce, the love for Blaire was never in question and remained a constant in Ali's life 100% everyday. How could a father do this knowingly and tear his daughter from her mother? How could a father who only wants the best for his child think that this is the right way to address his void? How could a father think that this is the right thing to do for his daughter’s emotional and physical well being? How could a father who knows the bond that his daughter has with her mother tear her out of her world as she knew it without explanation? How could a father sleep at night? I ask myself these questions everyday, and there is NO answer. My dear Ali is heartbroken from her daily void which is Blaire. This was a constant in her life. How would you feel if someone stole the only thing precious to you and then ordered you NO visitation for 30 days? Ali followed the court directive knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel shinning brightly (Blaire). Then after the 30 days were up and the order exhausted that there was no hope until mid June now due to the court system and the legal team exhausting all parental rights. We need everyone to come together.... Every family member, friend, and visitor who frequents this site for updates... We need you to post your story! We need for you to share Blaire's story! Blaire is in my daily thoughts, and I do not understand how human interaction with her family and friends can be so viciously cut off and expect this young loving child to continue life as she knows it. Blaire girl... just understand that we love you and we are all working towards reunification! We love and miss your daily smile! Since I was NOT given an address nor phone number to correspond, and I've been advised that phone calls are not allowed…. Just know that we love you and hope to see you soon! Love Stephers

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gottagrip

August 27, 2009 | 12:26 PM

Awful news to report on this: the mother and child are still fighting for their rights! The 30-days turned into 60, and then only supervised, once per week for one hour. It took 98 days and thousands of dollars and tears later before the child, removed wrongfully, and without evidence of ANYTHING, was allowed to have an overnight visit with her lifelong primary care giver! This mother and her child still need your help!

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gottagrip

December 29, 2009 | 11:36 PM

There is hope--the mediator in question, whom the judge adopted as "the doctor", but her PhD is in Law, (on-line course), rather than psychology as assumed, is under full investigation by the Department of Consumer Affairs. This controversial mediator has financially profitted by her books on "PAS", the leader having commited a horrendous suicide attempt that was botched, so he overdosed. The "follower", who has gag orders on anyone who speaks her name has supported attrocious abusers of innocents in Family Court in Marin County-R. Rand, who locks children in hotel rooms to "de-program" them into not wanting to be with their protective parent. This story is true, and has gone on far too long, and an innocent child is yet another victim, when she was supposed to be protected by "professionals" to keep family law a safe place in Sacramento, Ca, and all over this state.

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c3or

March 9, 2011 | 3:13 PM

I really dont't understand any of this . I was with this man for 11yrs and I got pregant and he convinced me to have a abortation stating that we where not ready and could not give the child a good life . I was devasted and he stated he will stay with me . He did'n't the day after I abort the baby he was with other girl . I really loved this guy. So we where not together for about a 1 yr and then that other girl broke up with him . He wanted to come back so I went back with him and I was with him for 11yrs. And we broke up and then I became pregant with our daughter when he found out I was pregant he got married to some other lady . He thought that by doing that I would give up this child . But I didn't I said to myselft I will do my best to give this child a good life and work had to give her what she needs . I love my daughter we are best friend . So when I was ready to have my daughter he came and said he was divorcing this other lady. I said I don"t have time for you . One day he was over at my house and he visiting his daughter and he beat me up in front of my daughter I was scared to death . I called my sister who called the police and then advised him to leave my house . He threaten to kill me . My family new I would keep letting him back in my life so they came and got me from nothern California and so I moved back to souther California. My daughter is 14yrs old. I always gave her father our address and phone number where we where he never talked to her sent her anything or visited her . I never bothered him with the child support or even medical insurance I have left him alone . Since the time I left he has been married four times and he has four restraining orders against him from the ladies he was with and also he tried to commit suicide . Now he has come back and wants custody of her . And he is married again to some lady that he meet on the internet that does not have custody of her own kids. So my daughter says let me get to know my dad I said okay . But she has decided she does not want to have a relationship with him . He is very abusive physically and verbal. He has taken her up in the mountains driven close to the cliff she scared her . Has taken her to the police dept so they can do a body search on her because she was not suppose to have her cell phone on her . And the last one he did was pull her out of the car by her ankles . My daughter has had 2 surgeries on her knee because she tore her acl and her meniscus . And now that he pulled out of the vehicle they believe that the meniscus is tore again from him pulling on her . And for his wife who does not know me called me the B----ch in front of my daughter and he the father sat there laughing thinking it funny . And they have said that PAS my daughter . And so they have given him custody . I don't understand this court system . My daughter also had a child attorney who never defended her and my daughter wrote her letter telling her on scared she is . And now all this years he told me I am not a good mother . My daughter is the best . she excellent in sports and she is excellent . She had got a schlorship to State University of Frenso .. was a contest she won . Only 96 girls nationwide where selected . And she has grade point 4.0 and she is going to do her 2 yr college while doing school looks like I did something good.

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c3or

March 16, 2011 | 6:21 PM

Just the other day I read the restraing orders that where filed against him . And is so scary . Everything that he did to me he has done to this other women and children he has been involved ..Did I even say that he tried to commiment suicide. And we have a judge giving him viistation and unmonitored .. I am so scared of him still but if I show him I am scared we will harm us . I really don"t know what to do for my daughter she has experience he angry and his harrassement .

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