Leaving Crest Theatre recently, my sister and I were approached by a man who asked us if we could spare a dollar.

My sister, to the best of my recollection, shook her head, which is what I would expect, as neither of us can generally spare any money, nor do we typically carry cash we might “accidentally” spend on non-essentials. I, however, went a step further.

“Where do you stay?” I inquired.

The man, a slightly overweight African American in his forties, smiled.

“We’re in West Sacramento, ma’am, me and my wife” he replied.

“Are you outside, then?” I continued, “Camping at the river?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you able to work or do you just prefer to be outside?”

“Yes, I am. I worked for quite awhile, but my wife, she has a lot of problems with her mental health. She doesn’t do well when I’m gone for very long, so eventually I had to quit. Now I just do what I can.”

“That must be really hard on you,” I said sincerely.

“Sometimes,” he admitted, “But not as hard as it is for her.”

What is the point?

Certainly not that if a homeless person asks you for money that you engage him or her in conversation.

I have spent the last five or so years working with homeless and formerly homeless people, and five years previously working with severely—severely--emotionally disturbed teenagers. For whatever reason, I have always felt comfortable among people who function outside the norm.

The point, if it can be so specified, is that homelessness is complicated. Homeless people are a diverse group just like the rest of us. This is seldom discussed in the media, who tend to get their quotes from politicians and committee members, but it’s a hot topic among those of us in the trenches.

Some things I can share, anecdotally, that you may or may not know:

• All homeless people do not consider themselves homeless; they do not want to live indoors.
• There are generations of homelessness in families and they take what they do—often panhandling very seriously; they have no desire or intent to change.

A local café owner shared the story of a man who used to sleep next to his place of business. He felt compassion for the man and did everything he could to find a place for him to stay, get him signed up for benefits, none of which he was really cooperative about. He continued to turn up outside the café, and eventually he became sick, and sicker. An ambulance was called, but the man refused to get in. He died outside the café, refusing medical help, while the owner stood by.

• Putting a roof over someone’s head does not mean they are no longer homeless.
• Homelessness is a life skill, and to acquire a different skill set requires support, especially if recovery from substance abuse or untreated mental health issues is involved.
• Very few programs can afford—or choose--to put services before housing. If that is the case, you might as well put revolving doors on the living spaces.
• Failure is more expensive than success. In so many ways.

As for being approached on the street or at intersections, that’s not for me to advise on. Personally, I am of the “Give a man a fish or teach a man to fish” school of thought. I always ask, when reasonable, if a person knows where to access services, but I don’t feel obligated to share my income.

Because I spend 40+ hours a week working with formerly homeless people, I can’t honestly say I do much volunteering either. I have served lunch at Loaves & Fishes, as has my son.

• Volunteer opportunities abound in social services, especially with all of the recent budget cuts.

Rumor has it, that at one point, the Department of Human Assistance was short-handed and thought they might be forced to use interns in some positions—until they realized they didn’t have a person with an MSW left in the department to supervise the interns!

Imagine how that translates to us in the non-profit world.

• If you have time, and a skill or talent, there is a place that needs you.
• If you have money to spare, spread it around; we all need it.

Look at your options, though.

Do the job training program “graduates” actually get and keep jobs?

Do the programs the agency says it created actually exist?

How does the staff feel about where they work? Is there a high turnover rate?

Spend a day getting a feel for what you’re supporting. If you like what you’ve seen and experienced there, share it with your friends or your company.

And your kids.

My son once donated all of his Circus Circus arcade winnings to Mustard Seed School when he was (I think) about 8 years old.

He received a tour and subsequent thank you letter in the mail, which I’m pretty sure he saved. It gave him a sense of accomplishment, and of helping the children—and it kept 20 stuffed animals from being introduced unnecessarily into his bedroom; win/win.

Back to the original issue of what to do when approached by someone for money. Again, I maintain that everyone has to make that decision individually.

What I will say is that, unless someone is in the midst of a psychotic break, he or she has no need to be hostile or rude in approaching you.

It’s an intimidation tactic, plain and simple.

Homelessness is not license to be a jerk, and almost any formerly homeless person will agree.

But neither is being the one with money.

Just sayin’.