The easiest thing in the world is to have an opinion about how someone else should live his or her life. There is a kind of stimulation one gets from sharing such outlooks, which is most likely the reason for the popularity of reality TV. We all come built with the apparatus to evaluate, label, and judge other people according to the set of values we have established in our minds. But the question is; why do we love doing it so much?

Is it because we enjoy the mental exercise of comparing and contrasting different life styles? Is it because we genuinely want to help other people get on track? Or is it quite simply because it makes us feel superior to other people? My guess is that for the most part it is the later. The reason is that on some level, of course, we all want to feel worthwhile. We don’t want to feel insignificant, irrelevant, or unimportant. It just so happens, however, that one of the easiest ways to establish a feeling of self-worth is by comparison. For example, if I believe I am more intelligent, powerful, attractive or whatever than someone else, then my intelligence and power is obviously worth at least something. It has value, therefore so must I.

But when we look into the experience of gossiping, for example, not just catching friends up on what has been happening, but really laying our opinions on people thick and heavy, is it not true that there is often a conflict in our feelings? On one level there may be the emotional stimulation that comes from feeling “right” or superior, but on another level -- underneath all of that -- there is often a feeling of tension, disharmony and even guilt. Therefore to hold ourselves above other people is often to immediately create discord within our own experience, and the reason for this is obvious.

There is always a part of us that sees the truth behind our actions, a second perspective, which sees that in a sense we are hooked on the stimulation that arises from judging other people. Just as it is with any sort of addictive behavior, however, the problem is that we begin to loose self-respect when we realize we’re giving in to a “drug”. This is because to give in is to ignore our inner voice in the process, to act against our own personal truth.

Ironically, therefore, in a hidden effort to generate a feeling of self-worth – by comparing ourselves to “lesser” individuals – we often erode that very feeling by acting against our better judgment, judging other people, giving into bottom-shelf stimulation. As a result, once the "high" has past, our self-image takes a dive, and we no longer experience those crucial feelings of dignity, self-worth and most importantly self-love. Perhaps this is why they say, “to judge another is to judge oneself”.