Everything I know about cheerleading, I learned from "Bring It On," Cheri Oteri and Sue Sylvester. ("This is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. . . Go Spartans!. . . I'm all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.")

In other words, I know absolutely nothing about cheerleading.

I wasn't about to let this impediment prevent me from attending the Sacramento Mountain Lions Lady Lions Cheerleaders auditions, however.

Held Saturday afternoon at the Sacramento Youth Football Training Center in Rio Linda, this was the first of two preliminary rounds leading up to the finals.

Thirty young ladies showed up in hopes of receiving an invitation to the aforementioned finals, to be held April 1 at Basic in Roseville.  In addition to the women trying out for a spot in the finals, 13 veterans of last year's squad were in attendance. The returnees have a "bye" to the finals, but many showed up anyway to learn the routine and offer encouragement to the new girls.

Soon after I arrived, Lindsay Shoemaker, the director of the Lady Lions, filled me in on some parameters:

 -There will be 32 women on the squad.

 -Twenty returnees have a pass to the finals, but have no guarantees of making the squad. They have to earn their spots.

 -They hope to have between 75 and 80 finalists.

 -In order to try out, you must turn 18 before June 1. There is no upper age limit.

The girls ranged in age from 17 to 32, from high school seniors to a former Frankfurt Galaxy cheerleader. Many were currently college undergrads, and one of them had a master's degree in economics.

There was even a magazine editor in the bunch.

The two things they all seemed to have in common were a love of dance and a desire to give back to the community. The former was readily apparent; the latter became clear during the brief interview portion. If the goal of the interview portion was to stand out, the 29 or so who mentioned a desire to give back to the community didn't necessarily achieve it.

I spoke to three young ladies who all danced at Sacramento City College and had come together to try out. I asked Vanecia Rogers how she was feeling, and she said, "I'm really anxious. I'm not about waiting, I'm ready to get started." Her friend, Jenna Miller, would be her dancing partner.

The tryouts themselves were led by Isela Perez, a veteran of last year's squad who will not be returning. (She'll be attending school at Long Beach State.)

The setup was as follows:

1) Head shots.  Self explanatory

2) Warm up. Perez led the assembled ladies in some dance-oriented stretching. It reminded me a bit of the beginning of a football practice, but a lot more graceful and attractive. They went through all manner of squats, bends, lunges, stretches, spins and twists, many of which would not be available to me.

3) Across the floors. Aptly named, these consisted of the ladies splitting into pairs and crossing the floor on the diagonal in front of the judges. There were three separate versions, each performed twice. The first was a "jazz-walk" pass, the second a "high-kick" pass, and the third a "six-step" pass. Though not scored, these were the first opportunities for the women to connect with the judges.

4) Perez taught the whole group the choreographed dance routine. Broken up into eight parts, she taught each section on its own, and they built upon one another. Each section, individually, had a fair amount of moves in it – enough so that I would have had serious trouble getting through any one of them (even were all the moves available to me, which they decidedly were not. My dream of becoming a MoLo cheerleader was over before it started). The routine is set to "Who Dat Girl" by Akon and MoLo superfine Flo Rida. (In a related story, If I never hear this song again, it'll be too soon. "She ain't an actress, but she's in movies" *shudders.*)

5) They broke up into three groups and alternated performing the entire routine, an indeterminate (large) number of times. Lots. Practice makes perfect. This was the portion where the song started to really get to me. Akon and Flo Rida haunt my dreams. ("that girl, that girl, that guuuurl.")

6) It's business time. After the veterans ran through the routine as a group, the newbies paired off and were called up for a brief interview, followed by two run-throughs of the entire routine. At the end of the choreographed section, they had an opportunity to show off their own moves and their own style. By far my favorite was No. 14, 19-year-old Faith Gorman, who had the biggest smile in the room and put the exclamation point on her routine with some old-school popping and locking, even dropping a robot on the judges. Awesome.

7) Deliberation. The six judges took their time with the difficult decisions in front of them. The panel consisted of Shoemaker; Carol Roth, the assistant director of the Lady Lions; Justin Peyret, personal trainer for the Lady Lions via S.W.A.T. Elite Fitness; Becca Breining, former Kings Royal Court dancer, and a team choreographer as well as being the gameday MC for the Mountain Lions; Nate Jones, member of the Mountain Lions front office/ticket sales and promotional crew; and Susan Brink, a trained dancer and Shoemaker's mentor (and mom). They deliberated for a little over half an hour.

8) Results. The heart-wrenching portion of the day's festivities. All the would-be finalists gathered in a semicircle as Lindsay read off the numbers of those who made it. Twenty numbers were called, including each of the trio of Sac City girls with whom I spoke. Alas, No. 14 was not among those numbers called. Keep the faith, Faith! There's always round two! (Those who didn't make the cut were encouraged to return to the next round of preliminaries to give it another shot.)

I left with a newfound respect for, and understanding of, the sport of cheerleading. All the ladies worked incredibly hard, both physically and mentally, to pick up a complicated and grueling routine in a short amount of time. Cheerleading is seriously hard work.

Of course, it's all relative.

As Sue Sylvester says: "You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded. That's hard!"

Round two of auditions will be held at The Sacramento Youth Football Training Center, 5845 Dry Creek Road, Rio Linda. Registration begins at 11 a.m.

The finals will be held at Basic in Roseville on April 1 and will be open to the public.