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Lately we have all been hearing about the dangers of cell phone texting while driving. People have been killed or seriously injured because of drivers’ distraction from the road. In fact a new law in California prohibits texting while driving because of such accidents. I for one have been guilty of this now criminal offense in the past, and must be very careful not to even think about doing it while I am behind the wheel.

Recently, I have become aware of a new danger inherent to texting. That danger occurs when a person finds out that his or her significant other, husband, wife, partner, or fiancé, has been texting someone else secretly.

Singer Chris Brown apparently had received a text from a woman he had a sexual relationship with when his girlfriend, singer Rihanna, who was also in the car with him, saw the text and hurtful words and violence began flying in the car. Texting while you drive can be very dangerous, but even more dangerous when your partner reads a text from another lover. Love letters are a thing of the past now that text messaging can be sent immediately to another person, even to someone in a relationship with someone else.

A friend of mine, whom I will call Larry for this article, shared with me the heartache he recently endured when he discovered that his steady girlfriend of two years was having some sort of texting relationship with another man in Arizona. Larry shared with me how this whole thing came to light and the trust issues it has raised in his mind and heart. I told him that I would write an article for the readers at Sacramento Press and then have those who read the story share their thoughts and maybe their "text affair" stories as well.

His relationship with this woman started just about two years ago when he signed up on Match.com. It wasn’t long after he joined that the woman in question “winked” at him through the Match website. Winking at someone on Match.com is a very casual way to start the ball rolling. When you get a wink you can either reply back and say, “Thank you but I am not interested,” or wink back, or even email.

So they began their relationship through this online dating service, which in my opinion is a great way to learn about someone before making any plans to spend any significant time together on a real date, which can sometimes become the longest minutes of your life.

Everything was going pretty good for Larry and his Match.com connection. About ten months after they first met, his girlfriend was talking about changing cell phone providers because of cost, and Larry mentioned to her that he could add a line to his service and that would be the most economical way for her to do so.

So they added a line for her on his service. Every month the bill came, Larry paid it and his girlfriend would pay her share. It was all good. Larry never looked at the bill because he knew approximately how much it would be even before it came in the mail.

Then on February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day, Larry and his gal were together; it was about 9:30 p.m. or so and a text came over on her phone. Larry jokingly asked, “Who is texting you this time of night?” His gal looked at the cell phone and said, almost defensively, “It is probably one of my girlfriends replying to my Happy Valentine’s text to them.”  No big deal, Larry believed her, and why not? Isn’t that what women do with each other? Anyways, he didn’t have any reason not to believe her.

About a week later, the newest phone bill arrived in the mail. It was a little higher than Larry expected it to be so he very carefully went over it. As he went down the bill in the section that covered his girlfriend’s calls and text messaging, he noticed a number appeared that was from the Phoenix area. Again, not a big deal -- until that same number appeared as a text that came in on February 13th at 9:30pm. Not just once, but a series of texting back and forth, to and from that Phoenix number.

So Larry did a little Internet homework to find out if the number was from someone he knew, as he was aware of most of his girlfriend’s friends and business partners because he and his girlfriend talked all the time, and there was little unknown between the two of them.
His search came up with a business in Phoenix, Arizona. Larry determined that whoever owned the business was also the owner of the cell phone that was texting his girlfriend. Not only that, but after looking at the bill, his girlfriend never texted any of her friends on February 13th, and none of her friends texted her either. Something was not coming up straight.

Larry began to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. He was beginning to wonder who is this person that texted his girlfriend, and why was she so secretive about it that night?

So Larry began pulling up old cell phone bills online, and sure enough, this person in Phoenix was in constant contact with his girlfriend and she was in contact with this person as well. The whole time she had been on Larry’s phone bills there were calls and text messages made to and from Phoenix.

Larry decided he was going to ask his girlfriend about this number. He told her the truth how he saw that the phone bill was higher than normal and he saw that there were many calls and text to and from this mystery number and that this mystery number was the person who had texted her on February 13th at 9:30pm. She blew it off that this was a business acquaintance of hers, no big deal.
When Larry mentioned that the phone bill did not show any text to and from her friends that night, she stated that she said she had emailed them or something like that.

Larry then asked her who it was in Phoenix that was texting and what was this person’s name? She said she wasn’t going to tell him the person’s name and asked him to drop the subject. It was just a "business deal that had gone bad" she said, and she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Larry didn’t want to create a jealous argument over something that might have been nothing, so he let it go. In the back of his mind he began replaying the incident of the first text on February 13th, and the excuse his girlfriend made up and the fact that she didn’t want to talk about it.
 

Then it occurred to him that his girlfriend made a business trip to Phoenix about a year and a half ago and that he never saw any business come from that trip.

Larry also mentioned to me that about that same time he had received a text from his girlfriend that seemed random, it said “yum yum”. That is all it said. He hadn’t even sent her a text prior to it. Even at that time he wondered who was this text meant for, because it was just too random. He called his girlfriend and asked her what that text meant, and she just said “just yum yum.” That was odd, Larry thought.
 

Today, he is in a quandary. He loves this woman. He has invested a lot of time, energy and money into this relationship and does not want to jeopardize it for the sake of his own runaway imagination or false accusations.

I don’t blame him. But on the same note, he feels that there were too many calls and text messages to just ignore. He doesn’t want to continue to invest in this relationship only to find out down the road that his girl has been having some sort of fling all along.
What does Larry do? I am usually pretty good at giving relationship advice and I have my ideas about this situation, but my thoughts are coming from a man’s point of view. I am hoping that women who read this will respond from a woman’s point of view and give Larry some insights.
Please help Larry sort this out and make a wise decision.