This article will be about all kinds of things but, aside from the title, it won’t mention bicycles. Well, except for that first sentence where I had to write “bicycles” to establish the point. And again, just now, in sentence two – but the use of bicycles in that sentence was purely explanatory. Wait…damn.

Hmmm…maybe the reason half the articles here are about bikes is that apparently it’s impossible to avoid writing about them, as I learned above. Why, I bet that we can’t even get through today, a perfectly average Saturday in Sacramento, without some further mention of bicycles.

Anyway, on to non-bicycle related news. I was walking in midtown today, minding my own business, when a bicycle messeng…hold on now, this is ridiculous. Mostly ridiculous because I wasn’t even walking in midtown today. Unless crossing a street counts. And I’m betting you had more of a mental image of casual strolling. So, in all honesty, I was mostly driving in midtown today. Well, this evening really. Trying hard, of course, not to hit any poorly lit cycli…argh!

OK, I give up. I was going to recount a truly interesting story about a man with a handlebar moustache and a bit of a spare tire, who coped with saddle sores and chain letters until they wheeled him away. But it all seems a bit futile now, like a fish trying to ride a….

*^#@!