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Momma, what happened to the neighborhood?

by Ryan Lundquist, published on February 10, 2009 at 3:40 PM

Storyline: community building 101

Community Tags city life community building 101 culture development neighborhood neighbors People relationships social capital society

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One of the constant themes that Home Depot commercials hit on is the idea of building the ultimate backyard. Have you seen these ones? A family turns their typical rear plot of land into a haven full of Trex decking, bright flowers and fresh sod, with a gleaming stainless steel grill to bring it all together. The concept is to create a space to relax—a refuge from the rest of the world and a post-5pm retreat after a tiring day.

I’ll admit that these ads strike me in two ways. One, I want that backyard. But Two, on a deeper level I wonder if there is something here for us to consider. Has our society become used to a world where we spend the bulk of our time confined to our parcel lines while having little meaningful interaction with our neighbors?

There used to be a day and time in our society where kids played outside more often, where families knew and relied upon households next door, and where it was a norm to feel a sense of connectedness amongst neighbors. In thinking back to when you were a kid, did life in your neighborhood seem a bit more interactive and relational than your experience today? Did people trust each other more readily? Did passersby wave? Did you play outside without worrying about Megan’s Law registrants?

Let’s face it, after the commute home from work it’s easy to find ourselves so tired and busy that the concept of getting to know our neighbors seems unrealistic, impractical or even inconvenient. So we get home from work, shut the garage door quickly to avoid others, stay behind our fences, and then turn on one of our screens to zone out. Sure, privacy is essential to a healthy lifestyle, but if life’s standard posture is to have very limited interaction with neighbors, then our communities will suffer.

What happened to our neighborhoods?

Part II: Finding Treasure in the Front Yard

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Conversation Express your views, debate, and be heard with those in your area closest to the issue.

David Watts Barton

February 10, 2009 | 3:53 PM

They got scarier, at least in perception. And the goal of having everything you could possibly need has made venturing out of our "castles" that much less appealing. Or necessary.

I have a nine-year-old step son who was reluctant (to put it mildly) to walk three doors down (and across) the street to visit a boy he KNOWS. He's used to being inside, to having "play dates" set up by his mother, usually in very strict parameters, physically and in time.

I remember playing with kids up and down our street, almost like it was one unit, our neighborhood. I'm sure there are still areas like that, but I haven't lived near one in a very long time. It's a shame.

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Colleen Belcher

February 10, 2009 | 4:00 PM

When I was growing up I would climb on the fence and yell over to my neighbors' house to see if they were home and vice versa. We would rarely use the telephone to make play dates. We would never go through the front door, we would always just climb over the fence and play in each others' backyards. When I moved to Folsom, I would play baseball with all the neighbor kids in the culdesac, it was so much fun. My parents still live in the same house where we would play baseball and I don't see the young kids out half as much as we were when we were younger. It's kind of sad that playtime has moved indoors, not exclusively, but it seems like a trend. I would want my kids to grow up in the type of neighborhood I did.

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Tony Sheppard

February 10, 2009 | 5:42 PM

We rode our bikes and our range of travel was as far as we could ride them in a day and our parents, to a great extent, had absolutely no idea where we were. For a great biography of a childhood when kids defined their own activities without the input of adults, read The Life and Times of the Last Kid Picked by David Benjamin.

The overall trend towards staying in one's own space was labeled "cocooning" many years ago by the author and consultant Faith Popcorn: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocooning

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William Burg

edited on February 10, 2009 | 8:57 PM

I still think the whole idea of a "play date" is totally bizarre. I'm pretty sure that when I was a kid if I told my friends that my mom took me on a "play date" to play at someone's house, my friends would have beaten me up.

I'm not sure if that speaks worse about kids today or my childhood friends, but there you go. The concept of "play dates" seems like it destroys the spontaneity of play, and sets kids up for a lifetime of regimented activities where fun is only possible as a scheduled, structured activity.

I suppose one nice thing about the central city is that there aren't very many big backyards, and lots of porches. So social activities tend to take place in front of the house, not necessarily the back, and one is more likely to encounter a neighbor.

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Ryan Lundquist

February 11, 2009 | 6:51 AM

Very interesting, William. The thing about "play dates" that strikes me too is that the parent always has to be there. On a personal level, that sure is taxing on the parent after a while. That can't be healthy...

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Colleen Belcher

February 11, 2009 | 8:40 AM

I guess I used the term "play date" incorrectly, because when I was playing, my parents weren't around. My parents didn't sit there and supervise and it was the kids' idea to play, including the manner in which we played. The parents didn't suggest or arrange for us to play, but we did have to ask for their permission.

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Andrew Lenz

February 11, 2009 | 1:52 AM

Well... The idea of a backyard haven is safe. The current image of a 21st century adult is one captured in computer screens, big televisions and any form of digesting media and information that requires as little human touch as possible. The world is a scary place. Truly. Yet, while I am binging on the current CNN headlines, I forget that statistically, my neighbor is probably not going to murder me. He or she is probably quivering over the same horrific story. The suspendered Larry King put it best (and I paraphrase): If 1 out of the 127 schools in Sacramento County is burning, the talking head on Channel 4 will not be telling us about the 126 that didn't catch fire. Home Depot has research departments that tell them the new-age adult would rather cower in their backyard- knees shaking- with their scared kids, than enjoy a front yard retreat, exposed and vulnerable. Many commercials and companies adhere to this new ideal. The backyard is becoming less of a haven and more of a cage. Kudos to Sacramento Press---Andy Lenz

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Ryan Lundquist

February 11, 2009 | 6:47 AM

I wonder sometimes what our kids will inherit from us. Do they fear the world and stay inside more often because that is what we are teaching them to do? How will this impact them in the long term and what type of neighbors will they be someday? Thanks for all the comments.

As a kid, I too roamed the neighborhood freely. It was just a matter of me being back by 5:30pm for dinner. Sure, Mom told me to stay away from certain houses because of pervs or unstable people, but otherwise I had a license to be where I wanted to be and the freedom to be a kid in the front yard and beyond.

Why don't we trust each other anymore?

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Tony Sheppard

February 11, 2009 | 11:38 AM

I think we risk destroying creativity with planned events and planned activities. We risk programming people into being unable to program their own lives.

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Ryan Lundquist

February 11, 2009 | 3:56 PM

I think you are definitely on to something. What a sad reality. This is good discussion. For anyone, how else will our kids be impacted if we persist in a trend of isolation in our society? Anyone?

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Dan

February 11, 2009 | 4:58 PM

So last week, everyone took turns hitting the fat easy pinata that was the Bee guest column on how Facebook isn't awesome. But apparently, this column, which rehashes a complaint that is older than the invention of the radio, is a fresh take on human relationships?

I'm surprised the obvious connection wasn't made between any decline in neighborly relationships and the spread of the Internet, and yes, that includes Facebook. If you are spending time connecting to people outside of your physical geography, you have less time to spend with your neighbors.

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Colleen Belcher

February 11, 2009 | 9:25 PM

It seems like you have many opinions to share with the community. I would love to read an article of yours on our website that can stimulate a discussion. I don't think I've seen an article by you yet, only comments on others' stories. Would you be willing to write something of your own and put your opinion out there for others to comment on?

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Ryan Lundquist

February 11, 2009 | 9:38 PM

Dan, do you think that the isolation we have in our society is not an enormous problem? With all due respect, this is not an ancient complaint, but a column based on trends that have hit very hard in our society over the past 50 years especially. The conversation and points discussed thus far are indicative that this issue is close to home. Robert Putnam wrote a book entitled "Bowling Alone" which is a great book. When Putnam analyzes a vast array of civic organizations ranging from the AARP to churches to the PTA, his overall conclusions and incredible wealth of research demonstrate that there is an overwhelming trend of people checking out and no longer being engaged with others like they used to be. As Putnam points out, for just one example, it is very interesting to see how most organizations have shifted their membership requirements nowadays. You no longer actually have to go to board meetings or monthly meetings to interact with other members, but instead all you have to do is write a check and then you are somehow involved. Is that what it means to belong? This is one small example only. So when it comes to neighbors not talking with each other, having little interaction, having much fewer block BBQs, kids not playing together, I am deeply concerned. These are all signs that something is happening around us. I don't write as any sort of an expert, but I do very much think that this conversation is worth having until we see a shift back to a more community-oriented society. I spend my time thinking about things like this and also being very intentional in my life about building a better community.

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