Editor's note: This article is a response to a recent Sacramento Press story about City Manager Ray Kerridge being an "Invisible Man."

It has been said our city manager is not held accountable to the residents of Sacramento. But I disagree. Not only is Sacramento's city manager accountable to the City Council and the mayor of Sacramento, he is also accountable to the public and oftentimes reaches out to them with genuine concern.

Prior to meeting Sacramento City Manager Ray Kerridge, I used to think power was in the hands of others. I used to think my opponents were others, and they were often my enemies. President Franklin Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  I used to believe that statement. But I no longer feel that to be true. I learned from meeting with Kerridge that there is something to fear - and it is oneself. 

Last month I met with Kerridge again. He asked me how I was doing and showed genuine concern. Kerridge said something that stood out. He told me, "Be careful of ego; ego can become your worst enemy." We sat ate our muffins and drank hot chocolate and tea and I listened carefully, but I didn't know the impact of what Kerridge was saying. I thought he simply meant not to be self-centered, self-absorbed, or too proud. But it wasn't until today that I learned the impact our city manager would have on my life.

I believe that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. I believe some are meant to stay in our lives and some are meant to enter it and bring us lessons. We have a city manager who came into my life a couple years ago and has recently taught me the greatest lesson I have learned on my life's journey.

I try and always look at others. But perhaps I look at so many more to avoid looking at my worst enemy - myself. Perhaps in trying to not be selfish I actually was selfishly looking for others, creating characters to blame.

As I sat with Kerridge, he asked me if I had ever watched the movie Revolver. When I told him I hadn't he asked me to watch it and to let him know what I learned. Among the lessons I learned was that we have an insightful city manager who opens his heart to see city residents and to bring them lessons. I am moving towards victim to an opponent, from weak to powerful, and it is an amazing feeling.

I hadn't realized I've been at war - with myself. I thought I was an opponent, but in this game of life I've played the role of victim. I locked myself inside my inner prison. I placed walls around myself to hide in. I gave myself boundaries and feared to cross them, afraid of the new pain it would bring. I was so busy fighting so many others that I overlooked the one person I needed to fight. I kept my friends close but I kept my enemy closer. I didn't realize my enemy is not others: it's myself. I often hear people say, "Fight the powers that be." I learned after meeting with Mr. Kerridge that power is our own ego. I never thought I would have to fight myself - that the "powers that be" would be myself.

Why am I still in the same place that I was five years ago even though I've grown and learned from so many lessons? Because I set boundaries and failed to conquer self before attempting to conquer others I saw as my opponents. I remained the victim. I didn't see myself worthy of more. I fight the fight. I talk the talk, but I set limits on myself, and I've been at war with myself, and I didn't even know it. Our ego is clever.

I've been a victim of my own doing for a very long time. It's time I become the opponent - and the only way to get smarter is by playing a smarter opponent. I learned I was looking for the devil's hand in so much that is occurring but ego - in efforts to find someone else to blame - created the devil. I cannot thank Mr. Kerridge enough for having me watch Revolver. The movie is brilliant. I learned the greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look. I've been so busy looking at everyone else that I failed to see my greatest enemy - I failed to look at myself. And if I can conquer my ego I can conquer anything.

As I sat today and watched Revolver I was in awe watching Jason Statham go from victim to opponent - fight with himself, creating characters to blame. It was insightful. Watching him leave his own prison and overcome his own demons, his ego, was powerful, and watching Ray Liotta go from opponent to victim was equally insightful. I learned I can be an opponent or a victim, and if I'm not careful I can be an opponent who turns into a victim. I learned life is tricky if we allow our egos to dictate our lives.

Today I learned I failed to see my greatest enemy. I failed to see myself, and I need to stop finding characters to blame to move from victim to opponent. I worked for years to address youth violence. Often times it felt like a game, a con, so many opponents using the efforts of victims to enhance their departments or advance their careeers. Their is a powerful quote in the movie Revolver where Jake Green says, "there is an opponent and a victim; and the trick is to know when you are the latter so you can become the former." 

The city manager has many jobs to perform, and I for one am grateful that he took the time to meet with me, a community member, to listen to a victim and helped her to become an opponent.

Sacramento City Manager Ray Kerridge managed his way into my life and I am extremely grateful to have a city manager who goes beyond the Council, the mayor and people with titles to see everyday people struggling and fighting their own worst enemy - fighting themselves. I am grateful to Sacramento City Manager Ray Kerridge for giving me a key to walk out of my own inner prison.


Rhonda Erwin