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Friday, February 10, 2012
Life and death conversations at work
by Brian Moffitt, published on July 22, 2009 at 10:37 AM
Storyline: Good Work NOW!
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We’ve all heard the phrase: “Some things are better left unsaid”. However, there are times when we need to say things. Sometimes conversations become crucial, and have life or death stakes.
I interviewed Desiree Aragon Nielson, Learning and Development Professional at Catholic Healthcare West / Mercy in Sacramento. Desiree has been certified in teaching “Crucial Conversations”, a best selling book (McGraw Hill) based on extensive research. She trains employees in her health care setting, noting that “In health care, it is life and death …we appreciate crucial conversations as a tool”.
1) What are Crucial Conversations? Based on the authors’ extensive research, Desiree says “three elements appeared when a conversation becomes crucial: strong emotions, opposing opinions and high stakes”. If employees entering into a conversation share strong emotions, possess opposing opinions on the subject and each have high stakes attached to the outcome, than that conversation becomes crucial and needs to happen.
2) Why are Crucial Conversations Important at Work? One of the main reasons, says Desiree, is “I may know something that’s important for us to get the benefits of good work”. She also references the book’s authors and says “we dumb down our responses and allow group think to take over”. We may also acquiesce to authority and not have a crucial conversation. The results can be tragic. For example, the 1986 Challenge shuttle disaster was a result of crucial conversations not happening when they should have. In Desiree’s health care setting, crucial conversations can mean the difference between life and death.
3) How do we Have Crucial Conversations? When Desiree conducts training she shares many tips, including “STATE” and “Contrasting Statements”:
STATE: This is an acronym: "State” what you observed (“My teammate Sam arrived again late to the our management presentation”), “Tell” your story (“I feel uncomfortable when Sam arrives late because I’m worry about our collective reputation"), “Ask” for Sam’s experience (“What was it like for you Sam coming in late to the presentation?”), “Talk Tentatively” (being open to your reality changing based on Sam’s response), and “Encourage Testing” (continually testing your assumptions of the situation based on the dialogue and the accumulating pool of shared meaning)
Contrasting Statements: Called “Don’t Want, Do Want”, these linking statements. Here's an example when someone you are talking to gets distracted by historical content: “I don’t want to loose sight of this historical information – I know what happened in the past is important here. What I do want from this point in time is to stay focused on what we want going forward”.
Questions for Sacramento Press Readers: How do you feel about crucial conversations? What helps or hinders your ability to have them in your work place? Desiree and I will be monitoring and participating in the discussion blog and look forward to your responses.
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Good Work NOW! is a weekly, local public access TV talk show featuring local experts to help viewers find and create good work. The interview with Desiree airs Sunday, July 26 at 7:30 PM on Channel 17. An abbreviated, 10 min version is available now at www.goodworknow.com
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markitect
July 22, 2009 | 1:15 PM
I feel that crucial conversations are important, of course. It can be difficult to initiate them though - encouragement and a positive attitude from the manager can go a long way towards creating and atmosphere of acceptance for this kind of important communication.
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Brian Moffitt
edited on
July 22, 2009 | 2:01 PM
Good point markitect .... about 80% of the work environment culture is tied to a manager's "stuff". The authors of the book also emphasize creating an atmosphere of safety in order for crucial conversations to occur. This can be created by managers both verbally (inviting tone of voice, not yelling, etc.) and non-verbally (open body language, affirming nods, no leers, etc.). Also, organizations that align their performance management and reward system with innovation and risk taking are well suited to have crucial conversations.
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desireenielson
July 22, 2009 | 10:57 PM
One of things that really attracted me to Crucial Conversations training is the authors claim that these skills will allow you to say anything to anyone at anytime. I agree that Managers who support open communication are deeply appreciated. Equally, sometimes the Crucial Conversations are most important in environments where silence reigns. One of our Healthcare Executive Ops Team members expressed a deep sense of satisfaction after he learned how to safely express his opposing opinions in group settings, Getting the courage to hold the conversations is worthwhile everytime.
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Bremo
July 23, 2009 | 1:33 PM
I like the "don't want" "do want" tip .... I'm going to try that out.
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desireenielson
July 23, 2009 | 11:04 PM
Cool, Bremo! Start looking for when you hear other people use it too. Now that you know the technique, you'll start to notice when influential people use it. You'll also catch when people fail to use it. Good Luck -- Let us know how it goes.
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